I Lie, You Lie, We all Lie

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You’re a liar. I’m a liar. We all are. It’s “normal.”

You hopefully already know you’re lying whenever you’re intentionally deceptive, but you might not realize that you may also be lying when you don’t ask for what you want or need, when you say “yes” and you really mean “no,” or when you aren’t being fundamentally true to yourself.

And it isn’t about being more ethical, it’s about being more productive. When you’re functioning as your truest self then you’re navigating the world more intentionally, more confidently, and more fluidly. But when you mask who you are, even when you don’t mean to, you’re creating unnecessary roadblocks to getting where you want to go.

Hiding behind untrue impressions of yourself is not only risky, but it also limits your ability to connect to others. For as dumb as people can seem sometimes (and some of them can seem pretty dumb), many of them also have a sixth sense when it comes to authenticity. Even if they can’t exactly pinpoint the lie that you’re telling, they may get this feeling of distrust that bubbles up in the form of annoyance, dislike or discomfort. This feeling becomes an invisible wall that prevents you from connecting with them in a meaningful way, which means losing out on the possible benefits of that connection, may it be a new client, job, friendship or partnership.

If you’re not working to be more straightforward about who you are, what you want, and what you need, then you’re lying, and you’re demonstrating to others that you don’t believe in yourself. (So why should they believe in you?) Whereas if you’re upfront about who you are, confidently embracing all of the beautiful quirks that make you you, then you’re demonstrating to the world that you love yourself enough to be yourself, and people feel that.

Of course it won’t be attractive to everyone, but that’s the beauty of not lying. You don’t waste time on relationships and situations that aren’t a good fit, which means that you have more energy to focus on the ones that are.

See? Productive.

Now go out there and tell somebody the truth.

Have a beautiful week.


Inspired by the book “Lying” by Sam Harris

John Kalinowski
John Kalinowski is a Redding native based in New York. He’s an NYU-Certified Life Coach, Mindfulness Expert, Columnist, Speaker, Entrepreneur, Traveler, Art-Lover, and Truth-Teller. You can connect with him on FacebookTwitterGoogle+, or visit his website at johnkalinowski.com.
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3 Responses

  1. Avatar MondoBlondo says:

    No lie John!

  2. Steve Towers Steve Towers says:

    I’ve been a big Sam Harris fan since stumbling onto his Science Can Answer Moral Questions TED talk, and subsequently reading his book The Moral Landscape.  Reading his monographs and dialogues is like pilates for the brain—he’s not changing my mind (as we’re generally on roughly the same page to start), but I always feel significantly smarter for having read him.

    I also enjoyed watching him nearly make Ben Affleck’s forehead vein explode during their debate about Islamic fundamentalism on Real Time with Bill Maher.

  3. Avatar Dorothy says:

    Not being the real you, is so exhausting.