• I so admire people who are naturally positive … I spend too much time in a snit trying to buy into that up-beat s— …
• When did my swagger become a waddle?… a swaddle?
• What is it about ukuleles and mariachi guitars that make my teeth vibrate?
• Another class when I was staring into space instead of listening … How should you correct a wrong? … Head-on, direct ? (We all know that’s the best approach but none of us actually do it) … Ignore it forever? (I like it) … Pretend it didn’t happen? (Workable, if the wronged person wouldn’t keep bringing it up) … Give things a chance to simmer down? (My personal favorite).
• March 31, 1993 – January 10, 2011 … Sophie the Wonder(ful) Cat … thank you for letting us share your magical life, little girl.
• Suggestion for 2011 … stop reporting the names of the loonies shooting innocents … just label them Coward #1, Coward #2, etc.
• I’m positive wine bottles are getting smaller.
• If there’s a clothes god, please let me dress appropriately for my age … and I want my rally thong to be leopard.
• I have a theory…we’ve all ordered things that look terrible when they arrive. Recently a jacket apparently looked better on the handsome, thin, stubble-bearded model than on me …
• My theory is the design of the garment is changed after the order is taken … I’m still working on the motive, but there simply is no other explanation … hey, I have stubble.
• Guilty pleasure … liver and onions … I have to eat it alone … It’s a little like lamb in that I don’t want to think about how it got to my plate … and it doesn’t taste anything like chicken.
• I bought a jar of marbles at a second-hand store, drew a ring and missed every shot, BUT what fun …
• OK, you flick this little glass ball with your thumb … never mind … Just don’t play “keepsies” with anyone until you know the rules.
• I was trying to convince a salesperson that my pants were the right size … almost made it until I had to breathe …
• The same salesperson muttered, “Shall I bring you the right size?”… Not without substantial foreplay, you little #@&%…
• Dark woods … strange noise … curl into fetal position or run … call me Bugs.
• I can’t make this #/&% up … I destroyed two iPhones within an hour and my computer threw up, destroying several years of emails. I told a friend that’s why I missed an appointment … He didn’t believe me and hasn’t spoken to me since. Hell, I’m with him … I don’t believe it either.
Doug Mudford is a lawyer and partner at Barr & Mudford, with an emphasis on serious personal injury. He may be reached at Barr & Mudford, 1824 Court St., Redding, 530.243.8008. Send questions for “That Lawyer Guy” to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Doug Mudford’s photo illustration by Michael Burke of Redding. Click here to see more Michael Burke photos.
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