Uncle Joe bought me my bazooka. He lived 3,000 miles away, in Detroit. I don’t think he could hear the explosions, but I’m not sure. He quit calling us after Christmas. That Sonic Blaster was one of two presents from… Continue Reading
Hi, this is Max Inertia, your host of Better Living Through Minimal Effort. We invite you to stay tuned—it’s easier. Today’s guest is Ms. Bee Fuddled, Director of the League of Perplexed Voters. Bee, the election’s just days away, and we don’t want… Continue Reading
Pranksters in my neighborhood have just reached a new low. Someone TP’d a house—and did a pathetic job. First, they used heavy-duty paper towels, not the impossible-to-remove single-ply bargain-paper, and second they forgot to soap the windows. Really, people? Is… Continue Reading
PROLOG: The following is a true story pulled from the files of the Sanitation Squad. The events described here actually happened, but the names have been removed to protect the not-so-innocent. The Place: Palo Cedro, Shasta County. Not a bad place… Continue Reading
Grandma was always packin,’ and rarin’ to go. She carried her own dice, and could, on occasion, shoot them straight and true. But usually they took an odd bounce. ‘Bama couldn’t help it. It was her ‘Yahtzee elbow.’ “Hey, ‘Bama,… Continue Reading
“You are what you repeatedly drive.” ~ Aristotle “You don’t have to do this,” Karin said. She held her keys out, and I gave her mine. “It’s my turn, I guess.” “OK, but I know you don’t like my van.”… Continue Reading
Darkness. Disgust. Dyspepsia. And we’re only 10 minutes into Pokémon. I’m trapped in Movies 8, feet stuck to the floor, watching. My three kids giggle. I groan. Next door, my wife, Karin, and our oldest daughter are watching Bruce Willis… Continue Reading
When I was a child, the dentist’s office was a strange place that poked you with needles, said “everything will be OK,” and then filled your head full of shrapnel that we now know causes global warming. You weren’t worried… Continue Reading
I’ve been asked to share a few tips on yard care to be included in the upcoming eBook, “101 Things Totally Inept People Do To Screw Up Their Lawns.” I was glad to contribute since I’m an expert in this… Continue Reading
Rebecca saw it first, clinging on the wall. “Eeeuuuuwwww. Is it a bat?” She pointed to an object that looked like a wad of chewing gum covered with fur. I squinted, and stepped forward for a better view. We both… Continue Reading
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