I attended one of the most beautiful weddings a few months ago. In fact, the photograph above, the one we’ve used of the cake-topper with the two guys, came from that wedding.
The wedding was a somber, yet joy-filled ceremony.
The handsome grooms wore matching shirts. They held hands as they walked down the church aisle. Their eyes were damp, but so were the eyes of most everyone there. Anyone who knew anything about the lives of these men knew what they’d been through together. They’d experienced more than two decades of good times and bad times, sickness and health, travels to far-off places for fun, flights to hometowns for funerals. They’d been together during career changes, raising kids, family losses, joys and sorrows.
Some years back they’d held a commitment ceremony in their back yard, just like a real wedding. But it was more symbolic. Then, it wasn’t legally binding because California didn’t recognize their union.
This time, their second ceremony carried legal significance because it was validated by California.
Consequently, this wedding was completely serious, historic and weighty. No dopey stuff like “Help Me” painted on the bottoms of shoes, no cake-smashed in the face.
A singer performed “Grow Old Along With Me,” by John Lennon. (A gender word-swap adapted the song to their situation.)
Kleenexes fluttered throughout the church, like white doves released to wick away tears with their delicate wings.
“We’re married, and it’s legal!” said one of the grooms, who wept with joy.
They were married barely two months before California voters chose Proposition 8. Now, they’re depressed that the window of equality was open for such a short period of time before it slammed shut. They’re worried and wonder if Proposition 8 will affect the legality of their marriage.
They’re crushed to realize that a majority of voters chose to deny them the most basic legal rights enjoyed by heterosexual couples.
When I think of Proposition 8, my mind wanders to many same-sex couples; friends Bruce and I love, respect and admire.
We know one couple who adopted a daughter. These guys are the most doting, attentive, loving parents any child could ever want.
We know an amazingly energetic couple who started an art-and-culture movement that’s taken Shasta County by storm and made good things happen here that defy the area’s typical snail’s-pace of progress.
We know a couple who’s brought dance and performance to thousands of us in a way that’s forever transformed Redding’s entertainment landscape.
We know businessmen and life partners dedicated to making the world a better place, starting with the North State.
We remember Bruce’s sister Mindy, dedicated to her partner for 20 years before Mindy died, but not before she contributed so much to his planet in her short 47 years alive; stained glass, watercolors, volunteer work, and most of all, humor, kindness and generosity.
What gets me is when people who voted for Proposition 8 make absurd statements like, “Personally, I have nothing against gays.”
That’s like lighting citronella candles and then saying you don’t mind mosquitoes.
Some “Yes on 8” folks go even one step further and say they actually have gay friends. They say that while it’s true they voted Yes on Prop 8, it’s nothing personal against gay people.
How hypocritical is it to befriend someone, yet deny them basic rights?
I cling to the hope that perhaps one of my friends was correct when she guessed that the majority of voters misunderstood Proposition 8’s true intention.
Maybe its passage was a huge mistake. Maybe voters actually meant to show support for same-sex relationships, but they became confused when they looked at that little No-on-Prop-8 icon, the one with people holding hands. Maybe they saw that happy image and figured “Yes on 8” was inclusive, and therefore, it was for same-sex marriage, not against.
I would very much like to believe that.
Meanwhile, oh happy day, the wheels are in motion to overturn Proposition Hate 8.
Even so, some damage is irreparable.
Our married same-sex friends, and our unmarried same-sex friends alike, feel rejected and offended to realize that when the time came for people to give more than lip service to the acceptance of same-sex couples, voters chose to discriminate, rather than liberate.
Grow Old Along With Me
Grow old along with me
The best is yet to be
When our time has come
We will be as one
God bless our love
God bless our love
Grow old along with me
Two branches of one tree
Face the setting sun
When the day is done
God bless our love
God bless our love
Spending our lives together
Man and (man) together
World without end
World without end
Grow old along with me
Whatever fate decrees
We will see it through
For our love is true
God bless our love
God bless our love
~ By John Lennon
P.S. I signed this online petition against Proposition 8. No telling how much good it will do, but this petition is one way to protest a proposition that turned same-sex couples into second-class citizens.
