Reflections in a Mirror (While Shaving): Part 24

• Images burned into my brain … tan leisure suit, flowered shirt, white belt and shoes … white suit, spread collar shirt … Jeez doctor, tell me I never did that, even for a day.

• Doctor … Sure, OK, you never did that … pay on your way out and next week, let’s try to move you out of the seventies.

• Calamari dipped in batter, fried in oil, and served with more hot spicy oil … when interrogated as to what I had for lunch, I say, with pride, FISH! … I have no idea whether squid’s a fish … it’s my whopper.

• As an aside … Moonstone’s calamari is worth every pound I’ve put on.

• What made me think I could get the 500-pound tool box out of my pickup when it took three men to get it in?… 911 has a discount program just for people like me.

• Men are just stupid …

• I sold a car I really liked because a friend said it “doesn’t look like you.”

• I dumped a girlfriend because a friend said “Really? … Her?” He then dated her.

• I got sick because a friend said I looked ill.

• Same friend …

• I’m my own man … sorta … I need to consult with my friend on that issue.

• “One more for the road” … recurring theme today, men are just stupid.

• (Apologies ahead of time) To Eleanor T and staff: I, eye, aye would, wood, not, knot try to, too, two out do, dew you, ewe in, inn … word games … (I couldn’t help it … shucks, as in “dang” or exposes an oyster or throws off).

• I made a list of people I needed to make contact with before something happened … something happened.

• Some afternoons, it seems as if the world is moving like the last images of a movie as the reel unwinds from the spool … flap, flap, image … flap, flap, image.

• Has anyone ever started the Great American Novel and let it sit, to think awhile … mine has been marinating for about 25 years. The first half of Chapter 1 is fantastic … (remember I’ve already been lectured about dangling modifiers … I like ’em … I’m using ’em.)

• I wish I could write with regularity … like most things in life. But I never know when the mood is going to strike … like most things in life.

• Imagination KO’s reality … I cut myself so badly, no one believed I did it shaving so I invented a bar fight defending a lady’s honor … everyone clapped me on the back and nodded knowingly … the image I project to others may need a tweak or two.

• All 16-year-olds should be locked up with all other 16-year-olds … potentially paroled on 17th birthday.

• Used to be acting up … now it’s acting out. The direction doesn’t seem to matter.

Doug Mudford is a lawyer and partner at Barr & Mudford, with an emphasis on serious personal injury. He may be reached at Barr & Mudford, 1824 Court St., Redding, 530.243.8008. Send questions for “That Lawyer Guy” to doug@ca-lawyer.com.

Doug Mudford’s photo illustration by Michael Burke of Redding. Click here to see more Michael Burke photos.

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Doug Mudford
is a lawyer and partner at Barr & Mudford, with an emphasis on serious personal injury. He may be reached at Barr & Mudford, 1824 Court St., Redding, (530) 243-8008, or doug@ca-lawyer.com.
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10 Responses

  1. Avatar Barbara Stone says:

    Love the word play! Are you a Scrabble player?

    • Avatar Doug Mudford says:

      I got my but, butt kicked in scrabble all the time so handled like an adult and quit playing.

  2. Avatar Joanne Lobeski Snyde says:

    Thank you for a great piece. I so relate to "What made me think I could…."

  3. Avatar Cowgirl Up says:

    Please keep entertaining us. You display an intellect that is unusual in the Redding area. You display success as a lawyer that is unusual in the Redding area. Well, please keep writing. This displayed a hidden depth, that makes it worth reading.

    • Avatar Doug Mudford says:

      Thank you. That's such a nice thing to say I would like to write something to give you a smile to start the week but all I can think of is…thank you.

  4. Avatar shelly shively says:

    I always get a kick out of your wit and honesty, Doug….liked this one so much that I reread it twice more. :-))

  5. Avatar Gamerjohn says:

    At least you aren't one of those people who never listens to others because you always think you are right. That is the more common attitude in our profession.

  6. Avatar Aleta says:

    Re the clothing – no, Doug, you never did that, not even for an HOUR! In fact, remember when you saved me from a blind date in white shoes by hiding me and coming up with an excuse?!? You totally understood … male solidarity notwithstanding.

  7. Avatar Goddess2Che says:

    You are an intellectual thug and a pirate gentleman. We are honored to serve you and offer chasing through the parking lot if the pounds prove obstinate, but we want a disclaimer first…

    • Avatar Doug Mudford says:

      Dear Goddess

      "intellectual thug" is one of the nicest things I've been called this week, although in my profession, the bar is admittedly pretty low. I'm against any form of exercise so I'll be having your calamari (probably today) and accept the added pounds without remorse.

      Doug