• Doctor … Sure, OK, you never did that … pay on your way out and next week, let’s try to move you out of the seventies.
• Calamari dipped in batter, fried in oil, and served with more hot spicy oil … when interrogated as to what I had for lunch, I say, with pride, FISH! … I have no idea whether squid’s a fish … it’s my whopper.
• As an aside … Moonstone’s calamari is worth every pound I’ve put on.
• What made me think I could get the 500-pound tool box out of my pickup when it took three men to get it in?… 911 has a discount program just for people like me.
• Men are just stupid …
• I sold a car I really liked because a friend said it “doesn’t look like you.”
• I dumped a girlfriend because a friend said “Really? … Her?” He then dated her.
• I got sick because a friend said I looked ill.
• Same friend …
• I’m my own man … sorta … I need to consult with my friend on that issue.
• “One more for the road” … recurring theme today, men are just stupid.
• (Apologies ahead of time) To Eleanor T and staff: I, eye, aye would, wood, not, knot try to, too, two out do, dew you, ewe in, inn … word games … (I couldn’t help it … shucks, as in “dang” or exposes an oyster or throws off).
• I made a list of people I needed to make contact with before something happened … something happened.
• Some afternoons, it seems as if the world is moving like the last images of a movie as the reel unwinds from the spool … flap, flap, image … flap, flap, image.
• Has anyone ever started the Great American Novel and let it sit, to think awhile … mine has been marinating for about 25 years. The first half of Chapter 1 is fantastic … (remember I’ve already been lectured about dangling modifiers … I like ’em … I’m using ’em.)
• I wish I could write with regularity … like most things in life. But I never know when the mood is going to strike … like most things in life.
• Imagination KO’s reality … I cut myself so badly, no one believed I did it shaving so I invented a bar fight defending a lady’s honor … everyone clapped me on the back and nodded knowingly … the image I project to others may need a tweak or two.
• All 16-year-olds should be locked up with all other 16-year-olds … potentially paroled on 17th birthday.
• Used to be acting up … now it’s acting out. The direction doesn’t seem to matter.
Doug Mudford is a lawyer and partner at Barr & Mudford, with an emphasis on serious personal injury. He may be reached at Barr & Mudford, 1824 Court St., Redding, 530.243.8008. Send questions for “That Lawyer Guy” to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Doug Mudford’s photo illustration by Michael Burke of Redding. Click here to see more Michael Burke photos.
A News Cafe, founded in Shasta County by Redding, CA journalist Doni Greenberg, is the place for people craving local Northern California news, commentary, food, arts and entertainment.