Reflections In A Mirror (While Shaving): #39

•The quantity and depth of my triteness is stunning.

•Hey! Where’d you get those great retro aviator sunglasses? Um…bought ‘em new 40 years ago. We’re not retro, just old.

•After many years of loving attention, I catch my mirror lying, on a daily basis.

•Can’t discuss politics anymore…I’m down to my last friend and I think he’s a commie.

•I don’t need therapy … faux sessions just as good. I throw a subject on the table, reject any responsibility and call it good.

I’m at session number 127 … just bought a new car with savings. The car, however, seems to need a little diagnostic work.

•I’ve never seen a line from a musical screaming “Bald! Bald! Gimme some Bald!” …Just gimme the freaking hair.

•My photo for ANC is not in real time but I like it because I’m forever frozen…well wait a minute that can’t be good. Selfie stick please.

•Want to have some fun? Buy 6-7 pairs of Levi’s from a thrift store. General size range ok. Try on in privacy of home. $2 to $7…you’ll be surprised what you keep.

•The V-neck portion is fine (it’s not like a turtleneck covering a turtle’s neck) but what the bottom half does to the stomach is sad. I guess it is crew neck or no neck. What?

•I’m writing for bite-size consumption to aid with digestion.

•I don’t think it helps to get on the scales and tilt and twist my head and squint at the number. The number stays the same but the lying mirror is entertained.

•Long explanation to a six-year old why we couldn’t sit on outdoor cushions because they were soiled by the birds, spiders and insects insecting … her reaction was just to wash the cushions and quit complaining about the critters. Silly little girl.

•Still trying to control the mouth when the mind tells it to speak.

•Maybe a word rodeo…

Chute #1- words with a chance of expressing a direct thought.

Chute #2 –all modifiers and qualifiers muddling up chute #1.

Chute $3 – all profanity, released with proper warning.

•Warning…Yippee ki yay #@%!

•My thoughts are getting a little hard to hold onto. Maybe the two second rule should apply.

•Let’s eliminate the 3 a.m. hour. The small inconvenience of re-designing all the clocks in the world would be worth eliminating the exaggerations and distortions 3 a.m. brings. A simple “Why did I say that?”- upon sidling up to 3 a.m. becomes “OMG, what have I done? I’ve ruined my life. I’ll never go out again” … just eliminate the hour.

Doug Mudford
is a lawyer and partner at Barr & Mudford, with an emphasis on serious personal injury. He may be reached at Barr & Mudford, 1824 Court St., Redding, (530) 243-8008, or doug@ca-lawyer.com.
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