Q: Femme de Joie, thank you so much for talking with me today. I first got the idea for this interview some months back when a women ripped into you on Facebook because she took exception to one of your reviews. She basically said it was your job to be a cheerleader for hard-working restaurant owners, and that you shouldn’t ever say anything negative, because it might hurt a business.
So let’s just get to it, shall we?
First, for a little background, how long have you been writing restaurant reviews for A News Cafe.com, and roughly how many have you written?
Thanks for having me here. If you don’t mind, I’ll set the third person aside for this – she gets heavy carried around all the time. Menu Please started as a lark for my own amusement on a blog in 2009. I had written three or four reviews when ANC contacted me. You’d been spying on me! I think there are now about 120 restaurant reviews.
Q: Wow. That blows my mind. So, as you look over all these years and reviews, do any reviews stand out as most memorable, whether because of the actual restaurant experience, or readers’ reactions? I won’t ask you to pick favorites.
There were two restaurants that didn’t get reviewed after one visit each. One because it was so awful that I couldn’t bear having to eat there two more times, and one because I got food poisoning. Both have been around for years, are still in business and doing well. I sometimes think I should have called it “I Eat This Crap So You Don’t Have To.”
One less-than-glowing review greatly offended the restaurant owner who apparently directed all the employees to submit a rebuttal comment, which were pretty much all worded the same. (Note to people who do this: it’s really, really easy to spot such comments.) That owner had also submitted a fake review to Yelp (which Yelp detected and filed as “not currently recommended”). It would have been funny if it hadn’t been so sad.
A comment on the Buz’s review went along the lines of, “You’re wrong about this because I’ve had so many good times at this restaurant with my friends.” That was when I realized that dissing a restaurant is the same as dissing personal memories of good times. Can’t argue with that. And someone got deeply offended at the Avocado’s review and slammed the door on her way out – “I’ll never read you again!” Um, okay.
Q: What would you say to people like woman who attacked you, and others who share her viewpoint about restaurant reviewers?
You have “restaurant reviewer” confused with “paid shill.” I am not going to say it’s good when it’s not. Dining out is a luxury and people deserve to know where to spend their money. This isn’t T-ball where everyone’s a winner.
Q: Is there a common misconception about what it is to be a restaurant reviewer?
1. “What a great job, eating out all the time!” Yes, it is a great job, and it is fun and interesting. But I can’t really relax when I’m actually in the restaurant eating because I’m constantly analyzing the food and taking notes (mentally or otherwise) on service, atmosphere, clientele. It is so nice when I can go out to eat at a place I’m not reviewing.
2. “You have a grudge against my favorite restaurant! You wrote a bad review!” I’ve been accused of this multiple times. Fact: I have never and will never write a review about any business I can’t judge impartially. Whether I know someone who works there or for some other reason – I only review restaurants I do not have any bias toward. Reviews are based on the visits, not on anything that happened prior or unrelated to the restaurant.
3. “You get free food!” I pay for all meals myself. I do not accept incentives, offers of free food, or freebies in exchange for a good review.
4. “You put my favorite restaurant out of business!” If I had that kind of power, fast food would be history. I never write negative reviews about mom-and-pop places that are struggling, underfunded, and clearly going under – I’ll find somewhere else to write about. I don’t enjoy writing bad reviews and I certainly won’t put the last nail in the coffin of someone’s dream.
Q: How do you choose a restaurant?
At random. I depend on the internet to find places I haven’t visited. I try to mix up genres and cuisines – if I write about a take-out hole-in-the-wall spot, ideally I’d like to write about a more upscale restaurant next, or follow an American cafe with sushi.
Q: What’s the difference between what you do as a restaurant reviewer, and a write-up about a restaurant one might find in a newspaper?
In large newspapers like the New York Times or San Francisco Chronicle, there’s no difference except I use more photos. If a restaurant gets a bad review, they probably aren’t advertising with that newspaper anyway, so it’s not as though they can call up the editor and threaten to pull their ad. In smaller newspapers you can’t afford to offend a current or potential advertiser, so every review is laudatory. I am fortunate that you have given me free rein to write it as I see it – even though I believe you lost at least one advertiser over a review.
Q: You know I will never disclose your identity, but to those who want to know who you are, what’s the big deal? Why not just go public?
In Ruth Reichl’s book Garlic and Sapphires, she writes of her flight from Los Angeles to New York on her way to her new job reviewing restaurants at the Times. She is stuck next to a Xanthippe type, who takes pleasure telling Reichl that every restaurant in the city has her photo on the bulletin board and “There’s not much we don’t know about you.” Reichl ends up so paranoid she will be recognized and outed that she spends hours disguising herself – wigs, makeup, clothes, everything. And she found that who she looked like, how she dressed, the image she created – that did make a difference in how she was treated.
There’s a saying, “Every town is a small town when you’re having an affair.” I would add, “or you’re a restaurant reviewer.” I stay anonymous and keep my head down because I want to be treated exactly as other customers are treated – for better or worse.
Q: Femme de Joie, do you have memories of a favorite bygone north state restaurant?
Swiss Pastry Shop! OMG, that was a superb bakery. They made these little soft cookies folded over a pillowy chocolate filling – I’ve never seen a cookie like them since. River City Bar & Grill was wonderful – great duck. Pesce e Pasta made a terrific risotto and pesto pasta. Hatch Cover – consistent, fun, reasonably priced. There was a tiny place in the old Holly Cafe location across from the Cascade Theater called Peacock’s (I think). That guy could really cook but they closed pretty fast. The old Maxwell’s and their chicken Jerusalem. I could go on and on.
Q: You’ve lived here long enough to see restaurants come and go. What do you think is the recipe for restaurant failure?
A combination of factors, some of which customers can’t see: inexperienced owners, the boss/owner not being in-house all the time, not advertising, bad managers, bad location, crummy service, bad money management. I don’t think a restaurant dies on a few bad reviews on Yelp – it’s the internal mishandling that will do it in. Some people should not go into the restaurant business.
Q: Conversely, what’s the secret to a restaurant’s success and longevity?
Know your customer base and appeal to them; don’t try to be all things to all people. Consistency, experienced and happy staff, good location, good customer service. Obviously there are restaurants that do well despite indifferent or even terrible food; great food is not necessarily the defining factor for success.
Q: In your dreams, how would you describe the ideal restaurant?
Wow, good question. This is how it would look: Simple exterior with wide windows and some outside tables with canopies and heaters in winter; brick and smooth stucco interior with a fireplace and vivid artwork. Tables and banquettes, no booths. Handwritten menu that changes daily: about five starters, seven or eight mains, no more. I hate flowery writing on menus like “Catch of the day! Wild salmon from the waters of the Pacific, sauteed or grilled to perfection, served with choice of our own rice pilaf or French fries and chef’s selection of fresh vegetables.” The menu would be prosaic and to the point: “Salmon beurre blanc, heirloom tomato salad, new potatoes.” Really good bread. Wine list with vintages listed and good selection of by-the-glass. Instead of being asked if you want dessert, waitstaff would automatically bring the dessert card – four or five made in-house, including a cheese and fruit plate, with a selection of after-dinner drinks like Cognac and liqueurs, good coffees and teas. And there would not be an expectation that you have to turn the table over after two hours – that table should be yours for the evening. Art Buchwald said that for Americans, dinner is what you do before the evening; in Europe, dinner is the evening.
Q: Can you describe what goes into every review? And I asked this question knowing that your answer will make me feel ashamed for not paying you more.
Looking at the menu, I make a mental plan of what I’ll be ordering so that I end up with a good overview of the different types of dishes they offer. Most menus don’t vary much – Mexican restaurants have the usual tacos/enchiladas/combo plates, diners have ham-and-eggs, burgers, French dips, and so forth. At a really innovative restaurant like Fusion Lounge the choice becomes much more exciting. If there are specials, that’s usually what I’ll get to see what the kitchen is capable of.
When I am ready to write, I edit the photos. I find all the scraps of paper I scribbled my notes on – usually the back of supermarket receipts jammed into my purse – prices, portion size, if something was really great or really awful, what music was playing or if the restroom was scary. I make a giant cup of tea, sit down at the computer with explicit instructions to not bother me, a tab open to thesaurus.com, and stare at the screen and wait for the muse to pay me a visit. Sometimes I have formed the outline in my head – some write themselves, like Priya – but usually it takes two to four hours to get it down.
Q: On a lighter note, Thanksgiving is coming, so do you have any tips, for home or restaurant tips?
Organize, organize, organize. Write down the entire menu (including things like cream for coffee, butter for rolls, whipped cream for pie) and then write out the shopping list from that. Delegate side dishes out to guests but don’t do a Marney. This should be fun, not an obligation that you dread.
If you hate cooking, get one of those prepared dinners from the supermarket. I don’t like going to restaurants on major holidays, but if it floats your boat, go for it – just have patience because it’s going to be crowded and noisy, make a reservation, and tip your server who is missing the family dinner in order to serve you.
Q: And what will be on your Thanksgiving menu?
We’re very conventional. Garlic-herb turkey, giblet & mushroom gravy, apple-walnut dressing, mashed potatoes, two different cranberry sauces (one plain, one jazzed up), pumpkin pie with homemade whipped cream, and whatever sides people bring.
Q: Sound delicious!
Thank you. This will be about my 40th turkey and I think I’ve got it down.
Q: Thanks so much for taking the time to talk with me and enlighten us about what you do. Is there anything else you’d like to say?
It’s just my opinion.
