There’s nothing funny about cancer. As a small child only just coming to grips with the concept of mortality (the family cat got run over by a car) I remember huddling under the sheets at night, terrified that I’d soon be visited by the dreaded “C-word.” After many nights obsessing over this, I eventually arrived at the conclusion that as long as I didn’t think about cancer, I wouldn’t get it.
This strategy evolved over the years to incorporate various bits and pieces of new age gobbledygook, using meditation to boost my immune system and consuming copious amounts of antioxidants, which are believed to prevent cancer, in the form of medical marijuana. All of this while steadfastly not thinking about cancer. So far, my scheme has been successful, and the dreaded C-word has been kept at bay.
Unfortunately, cable TV news and the pharmaceutical industry are harshing my buzz. You know what I’m talking about. That damned commercial for the MD Anderson Cancer Center at the University of Texas. The one where various cancer survivors say things like, “You took my hair,” or “You took everybody” or “You tried to take me.”
Now, I’m totally stoked these folks have survived cancer, I’m totally stoked for anyone who has survived cancer, but playing this commercial in heavy rotation all the damn day long is making it awfully hard for me to not think about cancer.
To be fair, it’s not just cancer treatments Big Pharma peddles on FOX News, CNN and MSNBC. Ely Lilly promises that Cialis will enable me to have a daily 3-hour and 59-minute erection if the need arises, and short of that, I won’t have to urinate for a week or so. Quincy Bioscience assures me that Prevagen will restore memories I’d probably rather forget. Insurance company Humana offers a supplemental healthcare plan to pay for it all.
That last little item points to what may really be going on here. Medical costs have been the leading cost of personal bankruptcy for years, while Big Pharma makes bank, to the tune of $300 billion worldwide annually. I’m still waiting for an MD Anderson Cancer survivor to say, “You took my god damned money!”
That will never happen. Nor will you ever see a cable news source investigate the massive profits generated by their advertisers. That’s why you probably didn’t hear that on Nov. 17 the American Medical Association voted to ban all pharmaceutical advertising. Here’s an excerpt from the press release:
“Today’s vote in support of an advertising ban reflects concerns among physicians about the negative impact of commercially-driven promotions, and the role that marketing costs play in fueling escalating drug prices,” said AMA Board Chair-elect Patrice A. Harris, M.D., M.A. “Direct-to-consumer advertising also inflates demand for new and more expensive drugs, even when these drugs may not be appropriate.”
It’s somewhat amazing to me that people flock to their doctors for many of these drugs, particularly considering three-quarters of the television ads are taken up by a long list of side effects all of these concoctions seem to have. My particular favorite is the drug that has side effects including diarrhea and constipation. How the hell does that work?
I know what you’re thinking. “R.V., if you’re so worried about these commercials, why don’t you simply stop watching cable news?” Easier said than done. After all, I am a news junkie. I’ve got Wolf Blitzer on my back.
Still, I’m giving the idea serious consideration. If that’s what it takes to stop thinking about cancer so much, it seems like a small price to pay.
