Just because a person is a car mechanic, it doesn’t mean her car won’t break and need repair. A skilled roofer could find himself in a house where the roof leaks. Our physician could get sick. Of course, this is obvious.
And yet we might think it odd that a psychologist could suffer with anxiety, depression or have suicidal thoughts. We expect our therapist to have it together and not be more disturbed than we are. I guess that is also kind of obvious to have that expectation.
We are not surprised if our physician gets sick or needs surgery. Their medical knowledge and degree does not infer immortality on them. They do not earn permanent immunity from all diseases just because they know how to treat our diseases, disorders, symptoms and syndromes.
Likewise, psychologists are not immune from psychological disorders.
When a mechanic’s car breaks down, she has the tools and knowledge to fix it. She also understands something called preventive maintenance that makes breakdowns less likely. Same with our physician. If our medical doctor was a chain smoker or a heroin addict or morbidly obese, we would probably be bothered a bit. We want and expect that our health care providers will be smart about their health. It gives us confidence that they will know how to help us with our maladies.
In his book, Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life, Steven Hayes talks about what he calls “the ubiquity of human suffering.” In other words, if you are a human being, you will suffer. About 26 centuries, a man in India we know as the Buddha said something similar. He said in essence that, “Life is Dukkha” which many translate as meaning that “Life is suffering.”
The Buddha taught that implicit within the human experience is this notion of suffering because everything is this world is impermanent. When we are attached to or cling to things that do not last, we will experience the pain of loss. When we crave something we do not have, we suffer until we get it. Even when we imagine future loss, we suffer. The Buddha taught that the cause of our suffering is our attachment to things that do not last and since nothing lasts, our only hope for true peace and joy in this world is detachment.
A man named Jesus who lived over two thousand years ago in the Middle East had a somewhat similar message. While he used different words, he also encouraged his followers to not get attached to created things. He is quoted saying these words: Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal.”
Whether we turn to Buddha or Jesus or a modern psychologist like Hayes, we can find enduring truth that helps us when we find ourselves in deep psychological pain and suffering.
Hayes tells us everyone suffers. It is a myth that some of us are mentally healthy and normal and completely free of these psychological impairments every minute of our existence. To be a person is to suffer. Some more than others, of course. But we all experience pain and the more we seek to avoid our pain, the more we suffer.
I am a psychologist and I am a human being. I am prone to all the psychological disturbances that a person can experience. If I am different, it is that I have tools and skills and experience that help me cope with my anxiety and depression. But just because I have the tools, it does not mean I use them properly all the time. I can get lazy like anyone else.
I think I have always had skills as a therapist but it wasn’t until I met Hayes and began using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) that I became more consistently effective in my practice. What I have learned is that if I am willing to suffer, I won’t. If I am unwilling to suffer, I will. When I accept what I cannot change, I no longer waste my energy resisting and avoiding my life experience. Instead, I embrace it. All of it.
The source of all our pain and suffering is in our minds. Our problem is language. The means by which our minds make us suffer is through our thoughts. The way out of pain and suffering, therefore, is through mindful awareness. To put it simply: do not judge. Do not cling or crave. Do not seek rigid control. Instead, observe, notice and see your own mind and how it interprets the world to you. And accept it. The more you notice and see without judging, the healthier you become.
Doug Craig graduated from college in Ohio with a journalism degree and got married during the Carter administration. He graduated from graduate school with a doctorate in Psychology, got divorced, moved to Redding, re-married and started his private practice during the Reagan administration. He had his kids during the first Bush administration. Since then he has done nothing noteworthy besides write a little poetry, survive a motorcycle crash, buy and sell an electric car, raise his kids, manage to stay married and maintain his practice for almost 25 years. He believes in magic and is a Sacramento Kings fan.
