• I haven’t written anything for months… I would like to blame it on illness or a heavy workload but I think my brain just decided to dormicate for a while… (the result of dormant hanging out with a smooth-talking verb).
• The English language guardian’s worst nightmare … a man with a forum whose mind has been dormicating …with no compunction about unusual punctuation.
• After only two short paragraphs, the red and green squiggly lines underlining my misuse of words and punctuation have joined their little squiggles and shouted “we quit!”… good I hope they stay away.
• Gophers are so used to my tactics, they toss lawn parties, sip pinot noir and place bets on whether I get the bomb in the ground before burning myself … I thought of putting a 10 spot on the burn but that didn’t seem the right attitude.
• I worry about the things I worry about.
• Watching a small snake wriggle across the porch sets off fear I can’t control. I hate being the one who deals with the snake but the cat has already determined it isn’t his job and all the adults in the neighborhood are gone.
• In the not-quite-awake state, I began to relive every embarrassing, self-centered, mean act I’ve ever done … chronologically and in vivid color. What the hell is that about? For those of you trained in psychology, it’s a rhetorical question. For those not trained, what the hell is that about?
• It’s a well-known fact our self esteem increases as the wine bottle level decreases. Those inverse relationships have been a pain in my butt forever.
• Two guys standing side by side … the first with a great casting rod and new waders … the other in cut-offs and a line he hurls from a make-shift reel. One for Fun… one for Food. Fun catches fish and hands it to Food … good day… stop me if I’ve told you that before.
• You know I care when I touch your feet.
• Another class reunion … how long can this go on? Ah …wait a minute … I want them to go on, right?
• With shotguns a poppin’, dogs a barkin’ and wind a howlin’, the little next door neighbor cat is serene in a lap. Cats are pretty darn smart.
• I was told that shaving my mustache off made me look ten years younger … the mirror smiled, “really Slick … not enough … grow it back.”
• The outside world is constantly being vanilla’d by earphones, ear buds, headsets etc. … why do I close out the wonderful noises that abound in around sound to listen to playlists that are becoming less wonderful with each repetition.
• This column is a couple of shades grayer than normal, but so am I. Remember I’m suffering from dormication … I have it from a good source, the cure includes running a marathon, being nice to 10 people with no expectations, and grinning so wide it threatens to break any nearby mustache … I will be cured by the next column… except for the marathon part.
Doug Mudford is a lawyer and partner at Barr & Mudford, with an emphasis on serious personal injury. He may be reached at Barr & Mudford, 1824 Court St., Redding, 530.243.8008. Send questions for “That Lawyer Guy” to email@example.com.
Doug Mudford’s photo illustration by Michael Burke of Redding.