Like most humans, I am full of contradictions. Something in us insists it shouldn’t be, but there it is.
I spend 10 hours a day five days a week applying my 35-years’ worth of experience and knowledge about the human brain and behavior.
I help my clients unlock knots that have baffled them for a lifetime. And then I go home and forget all of it in 2 seconds when my wife says a single word that I perceive to be critical. I stop being the wise, insightful psychologist; the patient, caring guide and instead become a little boy who pouts and feels sorry for himself. Why is that?
No matter how evolved or mature we think we are, we are never going to be perfect. All our vulnerabilities, sensitivities, quirks, flaws and failings remain on the bus, long after we think we booted them off. And that’s okay.
Think of spiritual or emotional growth like a spiral staircase. As you journey through this school of life, you are exposed to particular problems purposely designed for you. It is guaranteed that you will have certain experiences and will be challenged to learn specific lessons.
Each moment or day could be seen as a single step on a long, ascending, circular staircase. At times you will feel like you aren’t growing. At times you will feel like you are living your own version of Bill Murray’s Groundhog Day. At times you will feel like you are stuck in the bus station while everyone else is moving on. But that is the lie.
At times you will feel like you are just going in circles but if you pay careful attention, you will notice your path is gently rising. You will come back around to this experience or that situation or circumstance. It could be the people in your life and the emotions they trigger. It could be the mountain of mess you are weary of cleaning. It could be the frustration of limitation, the feeling of injustice or the pain of betrayal.
Whatever it is, without a doubt it will involve something you want that you don’t have or something you have that you don’t want. And your mind will make that a problem. When you expect a bowl of ice cream and instead the bowl is empty, you’re going to be unhappy. Even Jesus, Buddha and Mother Theresa would agree with that.
But it’s just another step in the epic adventure that is your life this time around. Too often the tools you use to fix your problems only make them worse. The more we resist reality, the more it controls us. The more we box the person in the mirror, the more exhausted we feel.
What is stopping us from being happy right now? What is the obstacle in our path? If we lack peace of mind and heart, who do we blame?
When my wife does not react as I expected or needed or wanted, a reflexive nerve gets pinched and the poisonous waters of negative emotion flood into my brain, washing out bridges, roads and small towns. I am momentarily paralyzed. I am not getting what I want and I withdraw. I circle the wagons. I burrow in to hide.
Life happens. And then we react. And then life happens. And then we react. We don’t control the speed, direction, velocity or spin of the tennis ball screaming over the net at our head but we do have a racket in our hand. We are in control of what happens next.
To be alive on Earth at this moment is a gift. We may not think so. This may not be what we thought we ordered. The details aren’t right we insist. Not enough love, sex or money we complain. Not enough laughter. Too much pain. Whose recipe is this anyway? It tastes awful and time is moving on. When will it be good? When will it all make sense? Why does it have to hurt so much?
It might help to remember we are made of love. It might help to remember that we can sink into that pool of peace whenever we want. It might help to recall that this world is an illusion. It isn’t real. It won’t last. It is passing. All of it goes. Comes and goes like ocean waves but something stays. Something precious remains.
At this moment look inside the cupboard of your mind and find your true self. It is a diamond of exquisite light. Stop judging. Just let it be. Just breathe. Be present. Notice everything but resist resisting until resisting fades. Open yourself. Open wide. We need your gifts and blessings. It is time to shine.
Doug Craig graduated from college in Ohio with a journalism degree and got married during the Carter administration. He graduated from graduate school with a doctorate in Psychology, got divorced, moved to Redding, re-married and started his private practice during the Reagan administration. He had his kids during the first Bush administration. Since then he has done nothing noteworthy besides write a little poetry, survive a motorcycle crash, buy and sell an electric car, raise his kids, manage to stay married and maintain his practice for almost 25 years. He believes in magic and is a Sacramento Kings fan.
