I may not know what I am talking about. It is possible. I mean, how would I know for sure? Since my own brain filters reality for me, how would I know if my filter was faulty? I can’t answer that really because no matter what clever argument my brain creates, it is still my brain doing the creating and he could be broken or lying or confused.
So here is my warning to you. Read these words at your own risk. They might lead you astray. I could be lost and if you follow me, that would make two of us.
On the other hand, it has been my observation that other brains make their heads nod when I say certain things. When I look in their eyes, I can see we agree. So either I am accurately reflecting reality or we are all delusional. Which is it? Who knows? All I know for sure is that I have no choice but to proceed.
And what does it mean to proceed? In my case, my job is to observe and report. As a psychologist, people bring me their problems, their knotted ropes and Rubik’s Cubes and together we describe what we see and suggest solutions. And the answer isn’t always change. We often come to the realization that we can’t fix what feels broken in our minds and relationships. We have to accept them. Give them space or room. Allow them to be while we breathe around them and carry on.
We accept our broken feeling and in our acceptance, we can feel whole. This reflects one of the ways our brains interprets the world, through comparing one state or condition with another. I understand night because there is day. I can appreciate cold because I have experienced hot.
I cannot really understand a state of being unless I have known its opposite. The unity or wholeness represented by the yin-yang symbol tells us “how seemingly opposite or contrary forces are interconnected and interdependent in the natural world; and, how they give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another.”
Many of us feel broken and long for something we label wholeness. What does it mean to be a whole person? The word “whole” can be defined as an object or entity that contains all its components. It is complete, not divided or disjoined. It could also mean, “Not wounded, injured, or impaired; sound or unhurt.”
Many of us would agree that a whole person is someone who has been restored or healed. The idea implies a former state of disease, impairment or brokenness that has been repaired or fixed.
A wonderful definition of wholeness is “an undivided or unbroken completeness or totality with nothing wanting.”
When I work with clients, I keep in mind three levels of wholeness. The first is wholeness with self. Wholeness is not a future state or destination we hope to someday experience. Instead, it is a current state that is present when we allow it to be. It is here and now for all of us just as soon as we give up certain unhelpful attitudes, beliefs or attachments. Our brain means well but too often it uses language to ensnare us more deeply in crippling, unnecessary pain and suffering.
How do we escape? By ceasing to struggle. When you are willing to be broken, you are no longer broken. When you perfectly accept your imperfect state you become perfect. And since “perfect acceptance” is in itself an impossible future-oriented goal, you have to perfectly accept that perfect acceptance is a trap. Give it up. Give it all up and you’ll be free.
The second level of wholeness is in relationship. As we become whole, we realize that we need connections with others in order to be complete. We are not islands. We are social animals. We are whole persons and we are component parts of greater wholenesses. Whole families, groups, tribes and communities. It is in giving our wholeness to another and receiving their wholeness that we become more whole. We experience this elusive idea of wholeness on a deeper level as we connect with other people and the natural world.
The third level of wholeness is spirit. The sense that my self is more than my body and brain. That my true self may not be material but transcends the physical plane. To be whole then means I am all. And you are too.
Doug Craig graduated from college in Ohio with a journalism degree and got married during the Carter administration. He graduated from graduate school with a doctorate in Psychology, got divorced, moved to Redding, re-married and started his private practice during the Reagan administration. He had his kids during the first Bush administration. Since then he has done nothing noteworthy besides write a little poetry, survive a motorcycle crash, buy and sell an electric car, raise his kids, manage to stay married and maintain his practice for almost 25 years. He believes in magic and is a Sacramento Kings fan.
