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• At 3:30 a.m. on a “dark and stormy night” – with 50-mph winds playing havoc with the trees, Cuddles The Neighbor Cat was kicking at the door … demanding to come in … while he is allowed to sleep indoors with his humans, I’ve been trying to teach him he is an outdoor cat at my house…
• I put on a sweatshirt, went outside to sit with him a while. He immediately curled into a tiny ball in the crook of my arm and went to sleep … I’m teaching him one hell of a lesson.
• Overheard a lady talking about her soon-to-be ex … “I was due for an upgrade”…
• Maybe some enterprising sorts could open “Upgrades Unlimited” (UU R US)…one-stop upgrading of spouses, phones, plane tickets, etc.
• I’m supposed to love bats because they eat insects and are mythically misunderstood. From everything I’ve read, once they’ve decided to homestead there is nothing (legally) I can do to relocate them. I’ve had a couple of black, furry houseguests above my front door for the last three years…
• They ( Batman and Etc.) have an annoying habit of not finishing their meals… evidenced by small mounds of skinny, brittle insect legs. I can just see the little buggers giggling each time they flip another leg unto the pile… on the plus side my entertainment costs have gone down because I have fewer visitors.
• A 9-to-5 brain stuck in a 12- hour job.
• Moments of my life I can’t get back… asking a cook to explain the difference between shallots and scallions… answering yes when asked if I’d like a little “constructive criticism” (I hate when I do that)… viewing the latest collection of _________________ photos.
• The definition of an insufferable egoist appears to be someone who doesn’t accept my forceful, insightful views.
• There are days I just have to listen to myself talk to realize how little I know about a wide range of subjects.
• A smile is the best when the eyes get involved.
• Self-fulfilling prophecies are scary… want a good day, you got it.
• I love my life… at the end, I’ll say, “no complaints…just wanted more of the same”… but if you’re not too busy, maybe next time I could be a little taller with a little more hair.
Doug Mudford is a lawyer and partner at Barr & Mudford, with an emphasis on serious personal injury. He may be reached at Barr & Mudford, 1824 Court St., Redding, 530.243.8008. Send questions for “That Lawyer Guy” to firstname.lastname@example.org.
A News Cafe, founded in Shasta County by Redding, CA journalist Doni Greenberg, is the place for people craving local Northern California news, commentary, food, arts and entertainment.
Doug Mudford’s photo illustration by Michael Burke of Redding. Click here to see more Michael Burke photos.