As You Desire: Erotica or Porn – Can You Tell the Difference?

Photo: Eroti-Cart.com

Sex Sells. We are sexual beings and we love all things sexy. That is why the pornography industry has larger revenues than Microsoft, Google, Amazon, eBay, Yahoo, Apple and Netflix combined, yet it has not captured the devotion of 50 percent of the population, and the primary decision makers about family spending: women. The pornography industry has made a huge mistake. They have left the needs of women out of their productions. It’s very easy to access as much graphic porn as you desire, but are women satisfied by what they are able to find? I don’t believe we are.

According to compiled numbers from respected news and research organizations, every second, $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography. Every second, 28,258 Internet users are viewing pornography. In that same second, 372 Internet users are typing adult search terms into search engines. Every 39 minutes, a new pornographic video is being created in the U.S. Who is surfing the porn wave? Men make up 96 percent of those searching the word “porn,” while women search words like “adult dating,” “adult sex,” and “cyber sex.”

As You Desire is A News Cafe's sex column.

(More statistics here. Note: The most recent statistics I could find are from 2006. This industry is growing so rapidly it makes the data collection daunting.)

Women are searching for something. Don’t let us fool you. We account for one in three visitors to porn sites.

So what are we looking for? Women want something different from men. The women I speak with are frustrated by the lack of intrigue, story, and creativity. Women want more; I believe what we crave is more along the lines of erotica. When I raise the topic, many people (especially men) do not differentiate between erotica and porn. I’m here to tell you they are not the same. However, I will agree that occasionally something can fit into either category, which, in my opinion, makes it more erotica than porn.

But porn is pretty easy to detect. It’s graphic, in your face, blunt, has bad music, no real story or intrigue, and most of the time has some really fake orgasms. Plus, you are never exactly sure if the actors are enjoying what is happening or drugged into submission. Now it might sound like I’m anti-porn. I’m not. There is a time and place for it. But as a woman, and one who has no trouble talking to other women about sexual issues, I can speak for many: We want more than what porn offers a majority of the time.

Women are visual and auditory creatures. At minimum, we want the voice to match the expressions. Women desire the mental stimulation and erotic story leading up to the sexual event. We want to connect to what is going on in our mind and body. Erotica most often leaves something to the imagination. Think “9½ Weeks,” “Eyes Wide Shut” type movies. They get your pulse going and your mind wanting to know and see more. It’s OK to leave us wanting to see more. Partners? You can pick up where the art leaves off.

Erotica moves us, creates a reaction and leaves a lasting impression. We will think about it long after it’s over. We will remember it as though we experienced it; that is because it created an experience within. Erotic art makes you stare, explore and fantasize. It makes you move your head trying to peer around the corners to see what is not shown. Pornographic art puts everything right out there for you to see so there is no need to peer or wonder. Again, both have their place and effect, but they are vastly different effects.

My admonition to the film and art makers is to get into the minds of women, the primary people spending the cash these days, and see what turns us on and brings us back. If you can stimulate our minds, touch our hearts and stir our bodies, you will have loyal fans. When we are moved, we will share. At our next girls night out, sewing circle, or board room meeting, we will share with other women what we have discovered. Word of mouth is still the most powerful of all advertising.

We all desire living our sexiest, most vibrant life. So when you touch upon things that get your juices flowing, the sex goddess within will awaken and you will be energized by her. Embrace her. Tease her. Celebrate her. Whether it be through porn, erotica, music, etc., find what turns you on to life and turn up the volume! Life is short. Keep it fun! This, my sexy friends, is what living our designer lives is all about!

Intimately Yours,
Nancy

Nancy Sutton Pierce RN, Health Educator is the Founding director of Nancy Sutton’s House of Yoga and Radio Talk Show Host on The Conscious Living Show LIVE every Saturday 11a-12noon on KCNR 1460am You can reach Nancy at asyoudesire@ymail.com with your comment or questions.

As You Desire is proudly sponsored by Body Logic MD; helping both men and women restore their libido and vitality through hormone therapy, fitness and nutrition counseling. www.bodylogicmd.com

A News Cafe, founded in Shasta County by Redding, CA journalist Doni Greenberg, is the place for people craving local Northern California news, commentary, food, arts and entertainment. Views and opinions expressed here are not necessarily those of anewscafe.com.

Dr. Nancy Sutton Pierce
Dr. Nancy Sutton Pierce’s eclectic background places her expertise in a league of its own. The compilation of her career as an RN, health educator, intimacy author, radio talk show host, and yoga therapist all fuel her passion as an International speaker and clinical sexologist. Earning her Doctorate degree in human sexuality has broadened her reach around the globe teaching Conscious Living Sexuality™. When not traveling the globe inspiring others, Dr. Nancy enjoys her home life with the love of her life for more than 30 years. They’ve raised three children and now bask in what she refers to as “the dessert of parenting” -- being grandparents. Website. Contact Dr. Nancy
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16 Responses

  1. Avatar rmv says:

    designer lives?

    What 'bout us common folk? 🙁

    WE LOVE SEX TOO!!!! 🙂 🙂

    p.s. we know the difference too. 🙂

  2. Dearest RMV…. we ALL live our designer lives… what I mean when I use that term is that we are the "designer" of our lives; therefore, designer lives.

    We ALL love sex… at least at some point in our lives. It's built into our wiring. And as humans we have the capacity to use sex as play rather than just for biological reasons. I'm all about keeping it fun and energetic… keep those minds and bodies connected!

    Thank you for reading and writing in. You are important to me.

    Stay sexy and enjoying the design of your life,

    Nancy

  3. Avatar Adrienne Jacoby says:

    Nancy,

    Not only do you write well, you write true. I've sent several of your columns to various friends and family members. . . . especially the one about the limerence of "love" lasting about two years. . . . then the hard work starts.

    I also love your description that we are given the framework of life, but we design the colors. Again, true!!!

    thank you . . . .

  4. Avatar Liz says:

    Things to ponder…………..

    it's true that how much time one spends thinking about sex is "mostly" related to age and gender

    and

    why are only older men who obsess about sex considered "dirty"

    and

    is a woman who behaves seductively and flirty at the age of seventy "dirty"

    "sexy" or……………sad

    What's a senior citizen to do?

    • Hi Liz,

      I am on a mission to rid our vocabulary of words that judge us for how we are living our lives. If you feel alive, flirty, sexy and even a naughty at 30, 50, 70 or 90 I would say you are HUMAN! This is a natural state of being human. We are sexual creatures. We think about sex or in a life in a sexual context more times a day than we think about food. That is why the advertising companies appeal to this curiosity.

      So you are not "dirty", or "sad"… You are ALIVE and KICKING! Besides, who really cares what "they think"… I don't. "They" are not living my life… I AM.

      Keep if fun girl and if you're feeling it, flaunt it!

      With admiration,

      Nancy

  5. Avatar Rick says:

    Another good article Nancy. $3,000 per second being spent on porn? Well at least it's not as bad as the government borrowing $40,000 every second- a sad but true statistic. Anyway, speaking from a male perspective I believe men are clearly more visual. Is it in our DNA? It seems so universal among men. And you're right about women connecting on a more emotional level. If you ask men what "erotica" is, most would probably cite letters to Penthouse Forum. A woman's idea would most likely be completely different; something that leaves something to the imagination as you suggest. They say the greatest sex organ is the mind and I think that's true of both sexes but women are probably on a different (higher) level than men. As for porn being catered to women; there are more and more women-owned adult-video production companies that target that demographic…so I'm told. 🙂 As for bad music in porn, c'mon…that was only true in the '70's.

    • LOL Rick… Yes the music still has something to be desired.

      Its true more women are making films these days… and Erotic Art is on the upswing. However there is still a huge misconception about the difference between them. So, my mission continues, to help educate and enlighten.

      When the biggest complaint from men is they are not enjoying enough sex, you would think they would want to know the key to getting women more interested in having some sex with them? It would benefit men to learn a lot more about erotica if their ultimate goal is to inspire the woman in their life to be more playful. I think that men might enjoy erotica… for it's VERY visual in addition to tantalizing the largest sex organ (I mean brain). When you can enjoy it together and both get turned on it's a win win.

      Keep it fun, as I'm sure you do.

      XO

      Nancy

    • Avatar gamerjohn says:

      Unless you consider how much of that $3,000 per sec comes from gov't credit cards while at work for the gov't.

  6. Avatar Jody Wilson says:

    Great minds think alike! Reading and even writing erotica, as I do, has enabled me to find another avenue to share the stories of everyday life in an exciting new way. Loving and living go hand-in-hand. This is the first article of your I have read but I shall, in future look for what you have to say. Thank you

    jw

    • Thank you for reading and writing to me Jody! I hope you'll take a peak at the other columns I've written so far and give me your feedback.

      I'd love to read what you have written as well so maybe you can email me a hint of your work?

      So true… Loving and Living go hand-in-hand!

      Keep it sexy!

      Nancy

  7. Avatar Joanne Lobeski Snyde says:

    The Decameron and

    the Canterbury Tales are filled with erotic tales of real life. Does Playboy still feature erotic stories from different cultures? Reading can bring such pleasure. I sometimes wonder if the romance novel market isn't the feminine version of the porn market for men? A well written story can give as much delight as what I imagine a picture can do. The magazine "Playgirl" didn't last too long. It was a fine magazine, but didn't do for women what Playboy does for men.

    • Hi Joanne,

      Yes women have been entertained by the "romance novels" which is code for Erotic tales…. for years! We need the intrigue not just a pic of a naked man on a animal skin (I'm thinking Burt Reynolds). Nice pic but misses the mark. More women are in the business of creating erotica for women and that market is finally getting some attention. It would serve men well to learn about this aspect of a woman's sexuality and sensuality… in so many ways!

      Thank you for reading and writing in… I am so appreciative!

      Nancy

  8. After reading your article on "breasts" had to read this one, too. Although my journey into "body acceptance" started with a breastfeeding-friendly attitude, it quickly led to drawing the line between sexuality and porn. I became outspoken in this and attracted the attention of some pastors who had been freed from porn addiction. They asked me to work with them in launching a website (mychainsaregone.org) to fight that addiction from the radically different approach of "body acceptance." We immediately got told we were teaching the controversial theology of sex and the body by Pope J-P II. A lady also wrote in and told us our approach contained elements outlined by Gary R. Brooks' book THE CENTERFOLD SYNDROME, which we found to powerfully expose the emotionally dysfunctional cultural formation of males in this country, as it relates to sexuality and the perception of women. Both those resources (and our site, too, hopefully) offer a mentally healing environment for understanding the difference between sexuality and porn.