Dude Wisdom: Dude, U Should C My Hot Date!!

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It’s been a busy week. I’ve helped fix a sprinkler system, made some nachos, played disc golf, helped (am helping and will continue helping) a good friend get through a divorce, and I watched a couple of snails have what I can only imagine was sex. I’ve seen a lot of people in pain lately. Maybe it’s just more noticeable than the happiness around me. But I was given some advice this weekend by a stranger, an inebriated savant of sorts. He rambled, somewhat coherently, about his glass being both half full and half empty. At the same time. Genius!

The Dude thinks the argument is a waste of time. Stop staring at the glass, drink the remainder and get on with your day. Show The Dude some Facebook love and keep abreast of the latest happenings!

Meanwhile, here’s what you’ve asked of The Dude:

I wonder who the real Dude is? Why remain anonymous? Could it be that if everyone knew who you are that your celebrity status would be taken to new heights … and life would never be the same? Or is to avoid the Redding paparazzi, because we all know they can be notoriously persistent! Will the real Dude please stand up? Pretty please …? 🙂
-Cheri

I’ve received a few questions like this. Who is The Dude? Why the disguise? Well, friends, I realize that I might one day not be here. Not in the ominous sense that I’ll be kidnapped and left deep in the jungle, only to be adopted by a pack of wolves (which would be awesome!), nor in the sense that I feel any inkling of impending doom. But maybe one day I’ll get another job. Or maybe I’ll move. Or maybe I’ll finally get past the first chapter of the “novel” I’ve been “working on” for a great long time now. The point is, one day (not any time soon, mind you) I might not be writing this column, but I want it to carry forth, with or without me. I am laying the foundation for a longstanding, crowd pleasing, acne curing, mustache twirling piece of this community. A good example is the Jake column in Glamour, or most other columns of this sort.

And moreover, when the idea for this column was being developed, it was developed as The Dude. There is a persona driving this concept. We will be hosting parties, like the one Nov. 6 (check my Facebook page for the info). We will be getting Dude Wisdom merchandise. We will be podcasting (if ever I can figure out the equipment) and video shooting and The Dude will be known. And I’m not so egotistical that I want to see my face all over town, nor do I care that you know who I am. I appreciate the curiosity, but Dude Wisdom is a much larger concept than the guy telling you …

I went out to dinner the other night with my girl. The food was good and she looked great, but I was in a text conversation with some friends and she told me I was rude. Then we got into a bit of an argument and I spent the night alone. Why does she always get so mad?
-No Love

An hour. At most, you were out to dinner, with your beautiful girlfriend, for an hour. It must be nice to be so important you can’t keep your phone in your pocket for, say it again, an hour. Maybe next time you can Twitter how you acted like a 12-year-old and ended up being your own company for the night. I’m sure somebody out there cares … but probably not.

My girlfriend’s been acting weird lately … talking to more guy friends, going out with her girls. I think something’s up. How do I know if she’s cheating?
-What Now?

You’re in luck. I love recon. OK, first, grab her phone when she’s not looking and casually glance through the text messages to see if there’s anything squirrely. Do you know the password to her email? OK, good. Check that too. Then do some casual investigations of her friends to see if their stories match up. Meanwhile, watch the mail and “accidentally” open her bank statement to see where she’s been going. If you can’t afford a private detective, hire somebody off Craigslist — they’re usually stand-up guys. Then grab some duct tape, a live beetle and some dirty socks …

OK, so that was sarcastic. But you do need to grow a pair and ask her. 

Dude Wisdom is a column written by a guy from town. This column aims to flip the traditional love advice column on its head, spin it around a few times, then knock it over with a roundhouse kick. Find The Dude on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/DudeWise or email your relationship quandaries to dudewisdom@gmail.com. Remember, this Dude abides.

A News Cafe, founded in Shasta County by Redding, CA journalist Doni Greenberg, is the place for people craving local Northern California news, commentary, food, arts and entertainment. Views and opinions expressed here are not necessarily those of anewscafe.com.

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is a guy from town. His column aims to flip the traditional love advice column on its head, spin it around a few times, then knock it over with a roundhouse kick. Find him on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/DudeWise or email your relationship quandaries to dudewisdom@gmail.com. Remember, this dude abides.
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5 Responses

  1. Avatar gamerjohn says:

    Are you making these up?These guys are so clueless that it is amazing that they hooked up with any woman at all.

    Did the snail sex take up most of the week? I imagine that was slow going.

  2. Avatar Canda says:

    Hey Dude,
    Your reasons for remaining anonymous make sense to me. We don't know the true identity of Femme Jolie (spellling?) on this site, but she's a lot of fun to read. As you said, The Dude is larger than just one person. I think it's brilliant, and your column is fun to read. Even if some of your scenarios are made up, you can bet someone, somewhere, is doing just what you describe. Have a good week!

  3. Avatar Awakened Goddess says:

    Dear Dude,
    Your column…refreshing and sincere as always! You also have an incredible writing skill that takes us on a fun journey and teaches lots!
    I giggle happily when I read you and I feel the truth of your advice through your writing. Love it!
    Can't wait to read your book, hurry it up! Pretty please…:)

    Cheri

  4. Avatar Joanne Lobeski Snyde says:

    Thank you for another great article. I look forward to reading your contributions to A News Cafe.