It seems that you, loyal readers, have shown The Dude your interest. You’ve kindly commented on my introductory column, you’ve shown me love on The Dude’s Facebook page, and you listened to The Dude’s first radio show guest appearance. Now it’s time to pay back the favor.
I received a lot of good questions this week, but I couldn’t respond to them all in this column. For those whose questions don’t appear today, I’ll address them another week or respond to you by email. Enjoy.
I’m looking for love. I’m not the most attractive guy around, but I think I have a great personality. Dating is hard. Sometimes I joke that it would be easier to just knock somebody up. But I’m in my late 20s, and lately that doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. Am I crazy?
Wow. I don’t know about crazy, but insecure? Definitely. Look, wake up. Dating is hard for most everybody. Short, tall, fat, skinny, man, woman … we all have trouble with the dating scene. The reality is that if you’re not confident enough in yourself to ask a girl out, you’re certainly not in a position to care for a woman and a child.
Dude, I’ve been with my chick for about a year. She’s cool. We get along and have some amazing sex! But I found some pictures of her on Facebook the other day … pictures I didn’t really want to see. She claims they were innocent (provocative poses with other dudes, lots of alcohol). How do I know when a line has been crossed? –Photo Fail
A line has been drawn when you feel uncomfortable. That line is crossed when that discomfort is passively brushed aside. After a year together, and the obvious downsides of posting questionable photos in front of thousands of people, it seems your girl is either unaware how much the photos affect you, or ignorant of the reason you brought it up in the first place. Only you know how uncomfortable you are. So draw a line, and let her know where you stand on the issue. If the line is crossed, then, well, that’s your call.
Yo, Dude. I have nothing against honeys with kids. I love females of all types, you know? But how do I handle that baby mama/daddy drama? –No More Drama
I agree with you. We all come equipped with baggage – kids, daddy issues, financial woes, everybody’s got something in tow. And sometimes these situations are complicated. If you like the girl, go for it. But when the daddy becomes involved, especially in a confrontational fashion, back off. Not to say she isn’t interested in you, but a protective ex is a sign her former relationship still has some issues that need to be worked out. Unless you’re ready to be part of the solution, hold back from being part of the problem.
Dude, I finally hooked up with this smokin’ hot coworker. But she was kind of nervous, so we had some drinks to relax things a bit. Seinfeld was on the TV and the volume was off when we started to get down. She laughed hysterically when I took off my pants. She claims she was just laughing at the TV, but I don’t know. Now work seems weird. What’s my next move?
The No. 1 rule for cavorting in the workplace: Don’t do it. If you must pursue something with somebody whom you share an intimate space, do it with a plan. If you’re ready to date, then proceed as normal. But when shagging turns to dating, dating turns to forced habit, and that sucks. First move: Ask yourself what you’re looking for with this girl. Next move: Send her a text in a couple days saying you had a great time, and ask if she’d like to get together again. Whatever the response, respect the decision – that’s your answer. And always do it with a smile.
Thanks for reading Dude Wisdom. Be sure to hear The Dude live from 11 a.m. to noon Sunday on KCNR1460. Host and news-site guru Doni Greenberg will be finding out a little more about The Dude and we will be taking caller questions, so make sure to tune in! Also, The Dude will be hosting a singles mixer from 8 to 10 p.m. Sept. 23 at Capone’s Speakeasy. Find out all the info at his Facebook page!
Dude Wisdom is a column written by a guy from town. This column aims to flip the traditional love advice column on its head, spin it around a few times, then knock it over with a roundhouse kick. Find him on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/DudeWise or email your relationship quandaries to firstname.lastname@example.org. Remember, this dude abides.
A News Cafe, founded in Shasta County by Redding, CA journalist Doni Greenberg, is the place for people craving local Northern California news, commentary, food, arts and entertainment.