Dude Wisdom: Returning the Love

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It seems that you, loyal readers, have shown The Dude your interest. You’ve kindly commented on my introductory column, you’ve shown me love on The Dude’s Facebook page, and you listened to The Dude’s first radio show guest appearance. Now it’s time to pay back the favor.

I received a lot of good questions this week, but I couldn’t respond to them all in this column. For those whose questions don’t appear today, I’ll address them another week or respond to you by email. Enjoy.

I’m looking for love. I’m not the most attractive guy around, but I think I have a great personality. Dating is hard. Sometimes I joke that it would be easier to just knock somebody up. But I’m in my late 20s, and lately that doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. Am I crazy?
Knocked Down

Wow. I don’t know about crazy, but insecure? Definitely. Look, wake up. Dating is hard for most everybody. Short, tall, fat, skinny, man, woman … we all have trouble with the dating scene. The reality is that if you’re not confident enough in yourself to ask a girl out, you’re certainly not in a position to care for a woman and a child.

Dude, I’ve been with my chick for about a year. She’s cool. We get along and have some amazing sex! But I found some pictures of her on Facebook the other day … pictures I didn’t really want to see. She claims they were innocent (provocative poses with other dudes, lots of alcohol). How do I know when a line has been crossed? –Photo Fail

A line has been drawn when you feel uncomfortable. That line is crossed when that discomfort is passively brushed aside. After a year together, and the obvious downsides of posting questionable photos in front of thousands of people, it seems your girl is either unaware how much the photos affect you, or ignorant of the reason you brought it up in the first place. Only you know how uncomfortable you are. So draw a line, and let her know where you stand on the issue. If the line is crossed, then, well, that’s your call.

Yo, Dude. I have nothing against honeys with kids. I love females of all types, you know? But how do I handle that baby mama/daddy drama? –No More Drama

I agree with you. We all come equipped with baggage – kids, daddy issues, financial woes, everybody’s got something in tow. And sometimes these situations are complicated. If you like the girl, go for it. But when the daddy becomes involved, especially in a confrontational fashion, back off. Not to say she isn’t interested in you, but a protective ex is a sign her former relationship still has some issues that need to be worked out. Unless you’re ready to be part of the solution, hold back from being part of the problem.

Dude, I finally hooked up with this smokin’ hot coworker. But she was kind of nervous, so we had some drinks to relax things a bit. Seinfeld was on the TV and the volume was off when we started to get down. She laughed hysterically when I took off my pants. She claims she was just laughing at the TV, but I don’t know. Now work seems weird. What’s my next move?
Confused

The No. 1 rule for cavorting in the workplace: Don’t do it. If you must pursue something with somebody whom you share an intimate space, do it with a plan. If you’re ready to date, then proceed as normal. But when shagging turns to dating, dating turns to forced habit, and that sucks. First move: Ask yourself what you’re looking for with this girl. Next move: Send her a text in a couple days saying you had a great time, and ask if she’d like to get together again. Whatever the response, respect the decision – that’s your answer. And always do it with a smile.

Thanks for reading Dude Wisdom. Be sure to hear The Dude live from 11 a.m. to noon Sunday on KCNR1460. Host and news-site guru Doni Greenberg will be finding out a little more about The Dude and we will be taking caller questions, so make sure to tune in! Also, The Dude will be hosting a singles mixer from 8 to 10 p.m. Sept. 23 at Capone’s Speakeasy. Find out all the info at his Facebook page!

Dude Wisdom is a column written by a guy from town. This column aims to flip the traditional love advice column on its head, spin it around a few times, then knock it over with a roundhouse kick. Find him on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/DudeWise or email your relationship quandaries to dudewisdom@gmail.com. Remember, this dude abides.

A News Cafe, founded in Shasta County by Redding, CA journalist Doni Greenberg, is the place for people craving local Northern California news, commentary, food, arts and entertainment.

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is a guy from town. His column aims to flip the traditional love advice column on its head, spin it around a few times, then knock it over with a roundhouse kick. Find him on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/DudeWise or email your relationship quandaries to dudewisdom@gmail.com. Remember, this dude abides.
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12 Responses

  1. Joe Domke Joe Domke says:

    "I was in the pool! I WAS IN THE POOL! "

    • Avatar Budd Hodges says:

      Joe…What pool were you in? I don't see a reference to a pool anywhere in the Dude's column. Was it a football pool or a swimming pool?

  2. Avatar Canda says:

    This is good stuff, Dude. I'm glad guys have a safe place to go with questions. I'm not sure they're as comfortable as women talking about relationship issues. Enjoy your hour with Doni Sunday. Should be a great show.

  3. Nancy Sutton Pierce Nancy Sutton Pierce says:

    GREAT COLUMN DUDE! I especially love the advice you gave No More Drama about being part of the solution and not part of the problem. Smart stuff. Looking forward to hearing more from you.

  4. Avatar Adrienne jacoby says:

    Good stuff, Dude . . . and to show just how it is, realize that an awful lot of the Dude wisdom works for Dudettes, too.

  5. Avatar Joanne Lobeski Snyde says:

    Thank you for a great article. The common theme here seems to be about having sex with someone. There is nothing sexier than a man who is taking care of business, building on his future, and engaging in passions such as fishing, hiking, writing, car racing, or music. Really. Forget about women. Concentrate on yourself, make yourself the person you want to be, know what you want out of life, and women will come to you.

    • Avatar Joshua (Author) says:

      Joanne, I really think you're onto something here. Happiness with somebody else without your own happiness is a pretty far-fetched dream.

  6. Avatar Joanne Lobeski Snyde says:

    P.S. The kind of woman you meet won't be posting questionable pictures of herself on the web.

  7. Avatar Canda says:

    Dude,
    Thank you so much for sending me the podcast link to Doni's Sunday show. I can't get the show on my car or house radio, and when I listen on my computer, it drops the signal about 20 times during each show. I'm a loyal listener to Doni's radio show, so I keep logging back on, but the podcast was perfect. I loved listening without interruptions. You sound like a guy with a good head on your shoulders. I wish you luck, fun, and inspiration as you go forward with your column.