I have an idea: Let’s eradicate the institution of marriage. Not only will we all save a fortune on gifted bread machines that will never once be introduced to the miracle of yeast, but I can’t think of one political party or social movement that wouldn’t benefit from the dissolution of marriage.
The Prop 8 supporters will no longer have to toil long and hard to convince a nation rooted in freedom that restricting rights related to marriage is beneficial to a society made up of step-families.
The Prop 8 naysayers can devote their energy elsewhere. With all that free time, they can adopt the children abandoned or abused by the heterosexual couples once deemed socially acceptable enough to be worthy of a marriage license.
Speaking of that precious piece of paper, think of all the trees that will be saved by no longer having to print the marriage licenses made worthless by divorce certificates, not to mention the stacks of paperwork that go into dissolving a sanctimonious marriage.
Rather than one mother and one father (along with one or more step-mothers and step-fathers), how about we pool our money and put together a system where people who have been trained to educate take care of them exclusively?
Every adult will be free to love another without anyone’s rights being encroached upon.
Feminists will be thrilled that they no longer have to cackle against the antiquated institution rooted in owning women as one might cattle.
No more nagging wives! No more useless husbands! No more custody battles! Best of all: No more divorce!
Florists might have to seek other employment, but this is a small price to pay for the unity of an entire nation. Let’s make marriage as meaningless as Proposition 8 has made the second sentence of the Declaration of Independence: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
