MAUI, Hawaii – Jan. 13, 2018: I don’t normally post like this, but today was one of those days. Today when we received an emergency alert telling us that a ballistic missile attack was imminent, I thought I was going to die. Truly. I remembered reading something about how getting under a table didn’t work, and you should be behind a couch, so I pulled the couch out and put all the pillows down and covered myself with the couch cushions. I grabbed water and shoes. Honestly I didn’t have a clue what to do, but I had to do something. My partner, Chip, wasn’t cooperating with my plan and was out on the lanai looking for it.
I really wasn’t afraid of the dying part, but what might happen in between and up to the dying part was a little scary. I didn’t want to be injured and helpless. I felt compelled to contact my children. So I texted them, “I love you with all my heart”. They all texted back some version of, “Are you okay, Mom?”
I was thinking afterwards, can’t a mom text her kids that she loves them without them asking what’s wrong? Jeez. I guess it was the, “…with all my heart” part that did it. So I managed to terrify my daughter that not only was she going to lose her mom, but some version of the end of the world was happening. My sons both were able to make me laugh. It helped. All I could tell my daughter was, “Breathe!”
For 38 minutes we didn’t know what was going on. Turns out it was a mistake. But I learned some stuff about myself. My first reaction after it was over was huge gratitude for my life and how much I love everyone! But as I watched the news and saw the panic that happened throughout the islands I began to feel the trauma of the whole thing. So many people who really only would have had 15 minutes to get to a safe place jumped in their cars and tried to make it to their loved ones. People were speeding down streets and running red lights. People were stuck in traffic jams. There were pictures of terrified people in closets, under tables and even a video of parents putting their families into manholes to protect them. I thought about millions of people who were effected by this whole thing. One of the visitors here on vacation said, “Hawaii is beautiful, but I don’t want to die here.”
This was a tragic human error, or so they are saying. But I would just like to say that it isn’t a faulty emergency alert system that is the problem here. The problem is that we find ourselves in a world where the threat of something like this is real. Yes we need to fix the emergency alert system, but the bigger problem is that our government and political leaders are not working on finding a peaceful solution! Someone else posted on Facebook that we experienced just a small taste of what other countries experience constantly.
I learned that a bomb I thought would destroy all the islands (thanks television) really may only destroy within a four mile radius of epicenter. For a while I was thinking that trying to protect ourselves was useless, but I learned that’s not true. You can protect yourself if you aren’t in the unlucky radius. Would you know what to do if it happened to you? I’m still not sure what I should have done.
As the day is at an end I found my way back to gratitude. Gratitude for the people in my life who helped me process through this. Gratitude for the love I have in my life that became so clear to me today. Gratitude for all my family, blood and heart. Gratitude that so many people’s first response was getting to their loved ones, because where else would you want to be at the end of all things than with those you love? I’m grateful I am alive and well. I’m grateful that I live the majority of my life in relative safety and comfort. I pray for peace in a way that’s more real for me than it ever has been before.
May we learn, as a nation something important from this day, and not just sweep it under the carpet as yesterday’s news. This isn’t just a news story that happened to someone else. It was real for me on today.
I’m on my way to meditate for peace now before I go to bed. I don’t know what more to do right now. More will be revealed. Goodnight lovely world. I hope you are still here when I wake up tomorrow.
