Reflections in a Mirror (While Shaving): Part 38

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•My accountant said…you’re screwed.

•Reduced to pointing…ordered coffee…asked 122 questions about flavors, additives, seasonal compatibility, sizes, place of consumption…small is Grande. Grande isn’t. I pointed at the first thing I saw…one of those please.

•After shopping, when exiting the parking lot, I discovered I am the only polite driver left in California…no cutting in, honking or raised finger pointing. As a reward I got to spend an hour moving 100 feet.

•My cackle has become a rattle…my walk tilted at an imaginary windmill…my chin has its own chin…all in all, not too bad.

•I think I’ve discovered the path to ease of mind…blame everyone else for your shortcomings…I used to limit it to my mother but my shortcomings have multiplied beyond her capacity.

•A 100% fact…the key I want is always in the pocket I can’t reach.

•When I chuckle the least is when I need to chuckle the most. I think I’ll start a chuckle bucket…use when needed.

•A hair from the top of my ear just landed on my shoulder…probably not the basis for celebration.

•So easy to join, impossible to leave…Facebook, Apple Music, ad nauseum…hell, I still get greetings from a record club that went bankrupt in 1975 but thoughtfully sold my name to its surviving competitors.

•Yes, vinyl records.

•Comebacks I didn’t see coming…skinny ties (I gotta million of them), crew cuts (mine’s natural), big black frame reading glasses (mine never went out of style)

•Considering the above, I’m kinda, sorta styling’…it’s about time.

•No more diets, no less wine, no exercise…the formula is almost perfect.

•Delightful to disgusting after 5 seconds too long… toast.

•I’ve developed the annoying habit of chewing gum…where did that come from?

•Heard at the next table…”when I was getting my bikini waxed”…I’m sure that’s wrong but my ears refused to listen further.

•At another table, a diner was reading an actual book.

•I’ve loved to read ever since I …well, learned to read. Now I’ve gone from paper to Kindle to audio.

•Early on I read an entire set of stolen encyclopedias…my dad went to his grave saying he was innocent…the owners were decent enough not to press charges.

•When young, I lived for a while, in a house where I stepped in sand when I went outside…worth a million today…embarrassing then.

•I know I’m nearing the end when even my spellcheck says…you’re screwed…so goodbye until these words either write themselves or spellcheck limps back into the game.

Doug Mudford
is a lawyer and partner at Barr & Mudford, with an emphasis on serious personal injury. He may be reached at Barr & Mudford, 1824 Court St., Redding, (530) 243-8008, or
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