• The most linear thought I have takes a circuitous route.
• Ever have the feeling that some thoughts are almost worth keeping … those that make the grade and can be let out in public … others are so mediocre, they aren’t worth the effort to discard … I used to blame my bad ideas on my mother but I’ve matured some so I now blame the sub-standard educational system.
• Talking to myself is the only thing that keeps me sane. This may be a bit of a slippery slope but circuitously speaking, it sorta makes sense…
• Same question with every checkup…”how much do you drink?”… same answer for many years …"two glasses of wine per day”… someday, the doctor and I are going to discuss the increasing size of those glasses, but for now we are content with continuity.
• A smirk is a black-sheep smile …what?
• Your lousy attitude is no match for my brilliant perspective …
• Checked my new, auto-update to-do list … only 8 1/2 months until Christmas.
• My new auto-wine opener is performing better … only three broken corks last week … the wine seems a little corky but after my allotted two glasses, I don’t care.
• The mirror asks why I write incessantly about wine, weight, food, hair and attitude … is there something else? Ok Bud, I’ll give it try.
• First of all mirror, let me adjust my hand (fingers) (finger) so you can see me better.
• A portly man, with wisps of red hair, did all the cooking for his family while drinking cheap wine … dammit … put me back in coach, I can do better.
• Let me try it this way … a skinny, long-haired, Type-A, drunk ... I’m thinking … I’m thinking.
• A duck walks into a bar…
• I think I’m beginning to spin out of orbit, so let me get serious for a moment … thank you, I feel less “spinned”.
• I recently spent time explaining the “Law of Diminishing Returns” … no mirror, why is unimportant… since I was an economic major in college. I was appalled at my inability to describe it succinctly (got to look that word up someday) … I blame the sub-standard educational system, ah hell, throw my mother in there, too.
Doug Mudford is a lawyer and partner at Barr & Mudford, with an emphasis on serious personal injury. He may be reached at Barr & Mudford, 1824 Court St., Redding, 530.243.8008. Send questions for “That Lawyer Guy” to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Doug Mudford's photo illustration by Michael Burke of Redding.