As You Desire: A New Column Serving S-E-X

SEX is my favorite subject. Anything and everything connected to living a sexy life enthralls me. And now, every month in As You Desire, I will have the opportunity to share with you all ways in which we can experience a sexy life.

When this idea was presented to me I didn’t hesitate to say “yes.” There are pivotal moments in life when opportunity knocks. Being prepared and willing to leap are key factors in taking charge of those moments. This is one of those moments for me – I’m able to put my written word where my mouth has always been by sharing my interest and vast curiosity in this As You Desire monthly column at ANewsCafe.com. I am thrilled and frankly a little scared (mainly for my husband). As You Desire will be honest, entertaining and often raw in our discussions about sexuality, sensual pleasures and relationships.

What qualifies me to write this? I am first and foremost a vitally alive sexual female being. As a woman I add to that list; Wife, Mother, Grandmother, Girlfriend, Nurse, Health Educator, Wellness Coach, Yoga Therapist, Yoga Studio Owner, Radio Talk Show Host, etc. And underneath it all, I am first a pure sexual being who is very interested in staying that way! Are you?

When did I know I was a Sexpert? Well, it seems I have always excelled in the study of sexuality; beginning in fifth grade when they were introducing Sex Ed in the schools, I sat front and center. Soaking up sex information like a sponge, I couldn’t wait to get home and start my personal interviews. After the first class I went home that night and immediately asked my mom, “How many times a week do you and Dad have intercourse?” Oh, you should have seen the look on her face! My mom was shy, reserved and actually quite naïve. The next day she marched into the school, giving them a piece of her mind. I don’t know what she said, but apparently she was the only parent who complained. At that point it became clear I needed to learn all I could because I couldn’t count on her for Sex Ed support. Mom was not going to be a reliable resource for me and I had many questions she couldn’t answer.  (She told me that monthly menstrual cycles were the way a woman’s body rid itself of all the poisons … Yikes!)

My girlfriends and I talked about, read about, sneaked into movies about S-E-X when ever we could. Boys were the main topic of any conversation. When I lost my virginity it was because I was curious, not because some boy talked me into it. I planned it.

In college my favorite class was the Human Sexuality Class. My teacher was Allure Jeffcoat.  \Yes, that was her real name. (I thought about using it for my pseudonym for this column). We talked about every topic under the sexual sun. I loved it. Everything was interesting to me. Even what might be considered taboo topics became areas of fascination. I was more curious about the areas I didn’t understand because obviously “some” people found them exciting and satisfying (even if I didn’t). I have no judgments around sexuality between consenting adults. This, in and of itself, is freeing!

In our home, we have always had very open conversations with our kids (sometimes WE are the ones saying TMI!) about sexuality. They know they can tell us anything without judgment. We want them to enjoy healthy, fun and exciting sexual lives. This began when they sensed from us that sex is normal, natural and not something to have guilt or fear around.  As parents we set the tone for our kids, so we need to have a clear understanding of our own beliefs and how they are impacting our words and actions.

Despite my mom’s lack of sexual knowledge, my own curiosity and experiences created an early comfort in being open and free sexually. Her gift as a parent was in not laying her own fears and ignorance onto me.  I grew up somehow knowing sex is natural, normal, functional, fun and playful. I know that enjoying being sexual is our birth right, yet so many suffer deep fears, guilt, frustrations & ignorance around this subject (often based on religious teachings). I will bring these out into the open so we can recapture the free-spirited enjoyment of our sexuality. It’s all about attitude, and I’m here to help our society recognize we have a choice in the attitudes and beliefs we hold. We have joined this life and body to learn, create and enjoy.  We can choose joy over sorrow; expression over suppression; freedom over restraint. What do you choose?

My goal is to help you keep the sexy spark alive within yourself and your intimate relationships.

In order to do so, we need to blast this subject wide open! No topic will be off limits. I’m sending you all an open invitation to write to me at asyoudesire@ymail.com. Ask anything. The only rule is that you keep the respect bar high. We are here to grow and learn. You can offer up your personal experiences and concerns. Remember, we are all the same: sharing a desire for love, acceptance, happiness, abundance and a sexually vital life. Many of you, however, want this but don’t have a clue where to begin!

Let’s begin with a return to flirting. Next column: “Flirting: A Lost Art?”

Intimately Yours,

Nancy

Nancy Sutton Pierce RN, Health Educator is the Founding director of Nancy Sutton’s House of Yoga and Radio Talk Show Host on The Conscious Living Show LIVE every Saturday 11a-12noon on KCNR 1460am You can reach Nancy at asyoudesire@ymail.com with your comment or questions.

As You Desire is proudly sponsored by Body Logic MD; helping both men and women restore their libido and vitality through hormone therapy, fitness and nutrition counseling. www.bodylogicmd.com

A News Cafe, founded in Shasta County by Redding, CA journalist Doni Greenberg, is the place for people craving local Northern California news, commentary, food, arts and entertainment. Views and opinions expressed here are not necessarily those of anewscafe.com.

Dr. Nancy Sutton Pierce
Dr. Nancy Sutton Pierce’s eclectic background places her expertise in a league of its own. The compilation of her career as an RN, health educator, intimacy author, radio talk show host, and yoga therapist all fuel her passion as an International speaker and clinical sexologist. Earning her Doctorate degree in human sexuality has broadened her reach around the globe teaching Conscious Living Sexuality™. When not traveling the globe inspiring others, Dr. Nancy enjoys her home life with the love of her life for more than 30 years. They’ve raised three children and now bask in what she refers to as “the dessert of parenting” -- being grandparents. Website. Contact Dr. Nancy
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45 Responses

  1. Avatar Rita Simpson says:

    Nancy, My first human sexuality class was also taught by Allure Jeffcoat at Diablo Vallley College!! It also was one of my favorite college classes. I worked with Allure for several years at the birth control clinic sponsered by DVC.

    She was a great teacher,mentor and boss who taught me about sex as well as many life lessons. I am really looking forward to your column!

    • Nancy Sutton Pierce Nancy Sutton Pierce says:

      Dear Rita,
      That is too funny!!! I loved her… even after all these years I remember her and the approach she had to sexuality. Fabulous woman!
      Thank you for your support and I look forward to some great ideas from YOU!

  2. Avatar Barbara Stone says:

    Nancy ~ welcome to the News Cafe family! I look forward to your column. I could use some positive sex talk. Unfortunately, I have a rather sordid past when it comes to sex, but with my husband of 24 years, I am learning to enjoy sex more than ever!

  3. Avatar Adam Mankoski says:

    Nancy – Welcome to News Cafe! Your column will be a great addition. News, Food, Art, Music, Events … and Sex. What more can you ask for!!

  4. Avatar Erin Friedman says:

    This is a great addition to A News Cafe – thanks.

    Hope you'll address the issue of maintaining a sexually exhuberant life as we get older — when hormones seem to be doing their best to sabotage us. Looking forward to your next column, Nancy.

    • Nancy Sutton Pierce Nancy Sutton Pierce says:

      Hello Erin,
      I will be addressing this topic in a big way! I have already done two of my radio shows (The Conscious Living Show at http://www.KCNR1460.com) on the use of Bio Identical Hormones and how they affect our sexual function. I have many experts to draw from plus the 20 plus years of study I have on this subject. Hormones are the directors of our urges and the function of our cells. So when they wane we feel differently. This doesn't have to be so. Stay tuned and write in some specific questions and I will address in great detail for you.
      With Affection,
      Nancy

  5. Avatar Canda says:

    Oh this is gonna be fun! We might all need to get an alias e-mail to ask some of those tough questions. Looking forward to your expert advice. I agree with Erin-once we finally have enough practice, our body shrivels up and says, "Oh you just try it!" Yeah, I'm talking about sex. I love the name of your column, Nancy. Perfect! This will definitely be a great addition to anewscafe, and your extensive medical background should be a comfort to those who may not know you. Believe me, readers. Nancy is one sexy Nana. She doesn't look anywhere near 76 years old, does she? LOL Seriously, when Nancy does turn 76, I would bet she'll still be the vibrant being she is today! Looking forward to your column.

  6. Avatar Budd Hodges says:

    Nancy, Welcome to Anewscafe, the premier site on the world wide web. We look forward to your articles.

    Not nearly enough has sex been discussed in this puritan country.

    You most likely didn't get information as a child from your parents, who had the stork fly you in or in the schools who didn't want talk about this miricle.

    If a young girl got pregnant she was wisked away to an aunt or grandma and grandpa's house. Abortions and birth control were unheard of.

    The wife was submissive to her husband and produced 7 or 8 children, but their sibs never knew where or how they got there in the first place except that this bird flew you down.

    We look forward to your new "As You Desire , A New Column serving S-E-X".

    • Nancy Sutton Pierce Nancy Sutton Pierce says:

      Hello Budd,
      Yes many of us were not given much solid information as children, and sadly that trend is still happening. Bringing S-E-X out into the open will dissolve fears and unhealthy beliefs creating a global attitude that will help generations to come live openly and freely.
      We need to all remember, what we think and believe today creates the reality of tomorrow.
      With affection,
      Nancy

  7. Avatar gamerjohn says:

    (This comment removed by the site staff.)

    • Avatar Virginia says:

      If you are doing this as a humor, it's not really funny. If you are doing it seriously, then you left your good sense somewhere else.

      • Avatar gamerjohn says:

        Sorry if I offended your Republican sensibilities. It was based on the old "No sex, we're English" play.

        • Avatar Virginia says:

          There are many people up here who ARE NOT Republican. You didn't offend me. You just showed your own ignorance..

  8. Avatar Pat j. says:

    When you have to discuss your sex life publicly, you've got a problem.

    • Avatar Ann says:

      Why do you say that? Can you say why you feel sex problems are fundamentally any different from money problems, job problems,family problems?

      Maybe it's the shamefulness many people feel about sex plus a lack of real nonjudgemental information that is the real problem.

  9. Avatar Pat j. says:

    Ann I said publicly. There are therapists, and experts to help with all those problems.

    • Avatar Ann says:

      Yes – and A News Cafe is lucky to have one on board!

      Sometimes getting those things out of the darkness and knowing you're not alone is helpful. Public discussion can be a good positive thing!

    • Nancy Sutton Pierce Nancy Sutton Pierce says:

      Dear Pat J,
      I appreciate and respect your need for privacy and your fears around sexuality.
      Fortunately, no one is being forced to write in or read this column. But for those who are seeking information, entertainment, comfort, or advice (or just want to know they can ask the tough questions without paying someone x $ per hour), I will be providing just such a forum.
      I hope you will keep reading and learn that we ALL have the same needs, concerns and fears at some point in our lives. How do you find love? When should you become intimate? What does herpes look like? Is kissing really that important and why? How do hormones affect our sexuality? What do I do if sex is not as much fun as it used to be? And the list goes on.
      I will provide some humor (that is my nature and sometimes sex is funny), and I will provide health information and relationship support. Its all about living our best lives, which for many, won't happen without healthy intimate relationships.
      All the best to you,
      Nancy

  10. Avatar Troy Hawkins says:

    Nancy, Welcome to A News Cafe family.
    I'm looking forward to your column and seeing if adults can act like adult when having an open, honest and sometime serious conversation about the natural act of sex.
    Good luck.

  11. Avatar ambercita says:

    Bravo Nancy! Welcome and I look forward to reading you here.

  12. Avatar linda bott says:

    I look forward to reading your columns.. It will be interesting to see reactions unfold..
    Congrats!!!!
    Linda

  13. Avatar Peter Turner says:

    Nancy,love you column,it is an open, honest and serious conversation about the natural act of sex.
    Looking forward to reading the next one.
    Peter

    • Nancy Sutton Pierce Nancy Sutton Pierce says:

      Thank you so much Peter! I am thrilled that my friends all the way from Jamaica are reading my column! I'll keep it good and spicy for you! 😉

  14. Nancy Sutton Pierce Nancy Sutton Pierce says:

    Thank you EVERYONE for reading my first As You Desire Column! Your support and love lift me up and inspire me to continue!
    This column and community forum is about open, honest, & raw communication around a commonality; our sexuality. We are in our body to enjoy our self and each other. The external ideas and beliefs we have been fed can either support or interfere with this enjoyment… they can lead us to believe our sexuality is a brilliant gift or perversion to be ashamed of.
    I plan to expose the misconceptions and irrational beliefs that have created so much heartache and frustration for so many. I am not a sex therapist. I will refer those who need one to a reputable list of people here to help them. I am a woman who is free to express her sexuality and help others do the same. This is OUR time to reclaim what is our birth right… to live freely, sexually expressive and open to all the magnificence that life offers every day! Sensual Living… awakens our senses to a vibrant state! Is that what we all want? I know I do!
    Please keep reading and writing in. Let me know if you have topics you want brought into the light… fears, pleasures, loves, struggles… I want to talk about it all. I have a lot of ideas and plans…. And will be adding to those your suggestions and requests.
    Please stay in touch….
    Affectionately Yours,
    Nancy

  15. Avatar LizAnn says:

    I'd love to see what folks think about this article: "Outraged moms, trashy daughters", by Anne Kingston Macleans magazine Aug. 16, 2010

  16. Avatar Awakened Goddess says:

    Great Idea for a column Nancy!

    Time for our bodies, sensuality and sexuality to be discussed and honored! Far too long have many of us suffered guilt and shame around being free and open with our bodies.

    Sensuality and sexuality are not a sin. Our shining souls vibrate from within.

    The universe is made of a delicious energy that pulses with vibrant juiciness.
    Think of the flowers opening to the sun..and how nature itself is full of this amazing aliveness. We are made of the same vibrational energy.
    It only takes allowing it!

    As more and more of us open to this amazing energy within ourselves…the fear, shame and sadness will start to shift.

    I love that more and more people are waking up!

    Thank you Nancy, thank you!

    -Cheri

    • Nancy Sutton Pierce Nancy Sutton Pierce says:

      Thank you Cheri, Beautifully said! We will be opening up to the natural flow of sensuality and pleasure. No doubt this will stir many in uncomfortable ways, but that is how we grow is it not?

  17. Avatar Pat j. says:

    Nancy, Your assumtions about me are so off that made me LOL!!

  18. Avatar Charlie says:

    I think this is great. I have four teenagers and everyone acts so hush hush about sex. I don't think that is the way to handle it. Humans are sexual beings. It is a normal, natural, and wonderful thing. I may not want my daughter to get pregnant but I am not disallusioned. She will have sex one day and I don't want it ruined for her because she was not educated.

    Good luck and I look forward to reading this every month.

    • Nancy Sutton Pierce Nancy Sutton Pierce says:

      Thank you Charlie! I am very excited to bring this topic into the light.
      I ask everyone to look around the next time you are in a public place and realize that EVERYONE there is a sexual being. We are not unique in our desires, needs, wants and dreams. So teaching our children and grandchildren to love themselves and respect the beautiful gift of their body by creating a healthy sexual expression is our responsibility. Leaving it up to the schools, clergy or medical providers is shirking our role in our children's lives. But before we can teach we must evaluate our own beliefs and fears and get healthy ourselves.
      Thank you for writing and I am looking forward to this adventure too!
      Nancy

  19. Avatar LizAnn says:

    The main point in the McLeans article "Outraged Moms, Trashy Daughers" was the oversexualization of young women and how that impacts their experience of sex with boyfriends— they are not so free of those expectations by most boys, who in this short attention span world we live in– expect a single "act"(guess what that is) from a girl or their attention will go elsewhere……………….How can this be uplifting for a young girl just coming to terms with her own sexuality. At what point does she begin to feel like a prostitute? How can this be avoided? Any answers out there?

    • Nancy Sutton Pierce Nancy Sutton Pierce says:

      LizAnn, I love this topic as I have raised two daughters and have two granddaughter now. I will be addressing women's issues around body image, self image, self love, the media, etc. My youngest daughter is a college professor and one of the classes she teaches is about Gender. I will pull her in to discuss some of the ways our culture (media in particular) sexualize young girls as well as create unrealistic expectations for our young men.
      Great topic idea and I thank you for taking the time to write.

  20. Avatar JD says:

    Raising two daughters in a wonderful, but often narrow minded town, I am overjoyed to have someone like you come into the spot light. I look forward to reading your column and observing the reactions it invokes. You can tell so much about a person by how they react to a topic such as SEX. Bravo to you and your column!!! Your family must truly be so proud.

    Faithful reader,

    JD

    • Nancy Sutton Pierce Nancy Sutton Pierce says:

      Hello JD,
      It certainly feels like the right time for this doesn't it? So many have come forward already with your sentiments. I was just at a party tonight and passed around my new cards for this column. It was so incredible how open people became about their sexuality, and not in an inappropriate way, but in an adult, open, free, curious, expressive, fun way. I am so encouraged and have a lot of energy for it.

      Yes I do believe my family is proud. Maybe a little nervous, but certainly proud. (Nervous because of the potential for negativity, not the subject matter).
      Thank you for your vote of support and confidence. People such as yourself make doing this that much more important to me.
      With Affection,
      Nancy

  21. Avatar C P says:

    I always fill left out in these discussions because I am a widow. I've been alone for a long, long time.

    • Nancy Sutton Pierce Nancy Sutton Pierce says:

      Dear CP,
      Thank you so much for speaking up. I know you speak for many others. I will be talking about loneliness and what we can do to fill the void. Intimacy can be experienced in many ways. Keep reading and I know you will feel very included in our discussions.
      I am so grateful you wrote in. I will be thinking about you in all my columns now.
      With Affection,
      Nancy

  22. Avatar C P says:

    oops, "feel" not fill sorry

  23. Avatar RadioFreeJefferson says:

    Sheesh, folks, if you're offended by open discussion of sex, don't read her articles. Isn't that simple?

    • Nancy Sutton Pierce Nancy Sutton Pierce says:

      Hi RadioFreeJefferson,
      Or… take a risk and read them and find out what I am saying is not offensive at all! Sometimes we are drawn to what makes us uncomfortable. It helps us unravel the mystery of our personal obstacles. This column is about opening up to the greatest potential of joy in our lives… anyone NOT want that????
      With love,
      Nancy

  24. Avatar Natasha Shaman says:

    Nancy, thank you, I love this idea! There is always something to learn, and best way to learn is to share!

  25. Avatar Lady J says:

    This is just awesome. There is someone I respect in my community openly discussing the sometimes complex and often exciting topic of sex. I have always felt I have a fairly open and nonjudgmental perspective when it comes this piece of the human experience. Now that I have children I feel a little unsure of how to pass this healthy attitude on to them while also teaching them to be safe and respect their bodies and selves.

    You can bet I will be reading your column and asking a few questions as well.

    Thank you Nancy!

  26. Avatar Mo says:

    I would be interested in reading tips and advice from professionals on the single mothers raising boys. How can we raise them to be successful males with the proper respect for women in our society and culture. Right now my son is around so many professional and successful women that I think he is getting the right message, but….. his father has a new fling in and out of his place every 2-3 months. How do I address that and when with my son?

    Years ago a local therapist told me the proper time to introduce your child to a boy/girlfriend was when you were ready to walk down the isle together…thoughts? His father of course has a completely different take on the matter and feels the transient nature of his relationships that he exposes our son to is 'just a part of life'. My first thougth is 'people are not that disposable' and my son has never seen me date at all in the past 4 years. From one end of the spectrum to another I suppose. Yeaching a child about sexuality when he is witnessing two very different approaches which send a mixed message – a conundrum.

    • Nancy Sutton Pierce Nancy Sutton Pierce says:

      Dear Mo,
      Thank you so much for bringing this conundrum to the forefront! I open this topic up to the professionals who deal with tender topics such as this one.
      My thinking is to remember that whether parents are married or not they are going to represent different approaches to life, love, communication, etc. Children take it all in and when they become adults they choose how they will conduct themselves. I believe a son learns about women primarily by how his mother teaches him to relate to and treat her. Also how she allows other men to treat her. They are always watching us.
      As for the dating scene – You will find many different opinions on this one. It can be healthy for a child to know his unmarried parents date, have friendships etc as long as they are not forced to build relationships with each and every person you meet. They need to understand that you are an adult and adults have adult relationships. But it doesn't have to be in their face. I would think it could be shocking to a child to wake up one day and find a stranger living in their house who is now married to their parent! (As it would be to wake up any day and find a stranger in their home at all!) They need time to adapt and get comfortable with that person too. For many it might be less confusing to wait until your children are grown up to have an intimate relationship. As long as you don’t feel you are sacrificing your own happiness and personal needs to do so. Our kids don’t want that on their heads.
      A father will earn (or not) his child’s respect by how he conducts himself in life, with his child's mother and with other women. What we each have control over is offering our children a safe place to share their feelings and concerns without judgment (of them or the other parent).
      Mo, we are all inundated with mixed messages every single day about sexuality. As parents we must at some point take the time to examine our own issues so we can minimize the judgment and fear for our children. Only then are we going to feel able to help our children deal with their own questions, frustrations and confusion.
      I'm sure there are other professionals who are reading this who have great advice for you…. I hope they will come forward with some pearls of wisdom soon!
      Thank you for your heart felt letter. I am certain you speak for many others.
      With deep respect and admiration for your courage,
      Nancy