When Married Guys Hit on Divorced Women



Dear J,

I’m a recently divorced woman who’s maintained friendships with our dear, lifelong married friends. On two different occasions two of the men/friends made passes at me (unprovoked, unwelcome).

It’s as if when I was married to my ex/their friend I was off limits, but now that I’m single I’m fair game, even though I’m still good friends with their wives.

I was so stunned and hurt I didn’t say anything. What’s going on here? What can I do to make sure this doesn’t happen again? What should I do if it does happen again?

The old expression “forewarned is forearmed” comes to mind. I’m thinking that perhaps the divorce process is not complete, and needs to include the husbands of your friends as well. The simple, practical answer is to maintain friendships with the wives and avoid situations that involve the husbands. (No, I don’t think you need to inform the wives).

Is it fair to say that this behavior is an acceptable norm with this group? Perhaps you did not realize it before? If you are newly single, you have a wonderful opportunity to establish new rules for yourself, new standards, and new friends as well.

You owe it to yourself to create friendships that adhere to your standards of behavior now. It may mean periods of solitude while you decide what you want in your new life. Begin pursuing interests that were previously neglected, think in terms of what you always dreamed of doing, having, being and (unless it was being a married man’s mistress) your vision will lead you in fresh and inspiring directions.

“Dear J” is a north state advice column that offers insight about every aspect of life.  We invite readers to weigh in with suggestions, feedback and answers to the questions, below. Send your “Dear J” questions in care of anewscafe@gmail.com. (We will maintain strict confidentiality.)

Dear J . . .

Oldest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments