The Dude has been on sabbatical. I went on a long walk one day, got lost, fell asleep under the bridge, grew a beard, changed my name to DarMar VI, and trained a wild hawk to scout out food sources. Three months later, I realized it was all just a dream. But I still have the beard …
Anyhow, maybe it’s the (sometimes) sunny weather of late, or the fact that summer is around the corner and polos and khakis will soon be replaced by bikinis and board shorts, but the Dude has been doling out gobs of advice. I’ve found a lot of people turning to the Internet for dating, which isn’t a bad thing, per se. Dating sites can be effective tools. Facebook, however, should be left for gossip and catching up with friends. Just ask this guy …
I need some help with this whole Facebook dating thing. I’ve tried some of the other sites (match.com, plenty of fish, etc.) but haven’t had any luck. A couple of friends have landed dates using Facebook, but it just feels weird. Any advice?
Dear, dear friend – I have to tell you, I’m not an advocate of the Facebook-for-dating approach. The Dude feels that Facebook is a place to vent about and escape the troubles of the dating scene – a tool for anything but preying or being preyed upon. But that’s just one badass dude’s opinion. Now that I got that off my chest, let’s cover some basic etiquette and surprisingly uncommon sense. First, identify your situation – are you stalking somebody you just met, or somebody who’s already your “friend?” If the former:
- Don’t “friend” her too soon.
Facebook (and its ilk) is replete with creepy dudes, perusing random pictures of cute girls and sending often unwelcome friend requests. Don’t be that guy. Unless she’s an affection-hungry teeny-bopper, you’ll likely cement your rep as a certified creeper. Play it safe: Only if she gives you her phone number can you send that beloved request.
- Do. Not. “Poke.” Her.
The meaning of the “poke,” a staple of early Facebookhood, has since withered with a nearly ubiquitous understanding that “poking” a hot stranger emits the self confidence of a shy 10-year-old. Don’t waste either of your time.
- Get the hint.
If you have misunderstood the first two rules, or intentionally neglected them, Godspeed. If you’ve sent her a private message, and a wall post, and she hasn’t responded, let it go. Pushing for something that wasn’t really there will lead to the reprehensible (gasp) un-friending. Nothing crushes the heart like the unseemly click of a button.
- It’s a small world, and Facebook makes it smaller.
This is a good time to strategically assume. Assume she has friended her grandmother, her niece, her boss, and definitely every one of her friends. Read carefully: Anything borderline inappropriate will deposit you under the crushing weight of rejection, not to mention the embarrassment that will follow.
- Don’t front.
Holla. A little online research is OK. She does it. Her friends do it. Everybody does it (ever Google your name? Of course you have). But don’t “What Women Want” this. Playing to her ego might land you in the sheets, but it might well land you a slap in the face. Be real.
- Transition. Do it.
So, say you follow all my awesome advice and begin a flirty conversation. Now what? Well, if you keep it on the ‘Book, it will there forever remain. The goal is to convert that initial interest, the pique in curiosity and take it to the personal. Casual transition is key – don’t ask for a date. Casually mention you had a rough week and that a drink sounds delicious. Or that you are excited about the k.d. lang concert. Set the bait. Cast the line. Wait for the bite.
- Dude Wisdom is a column written by a guy from town. This column aims to flip the traditional advice column on its head, spin it around a few times, then knock it over with a roundhouse kick. Email your quandaries to email@example.com. Remember, this Dude abides.
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