Happy New Year, friends and neighbors! From the sound of it, 2010 was pretty rough for many, so here’s looking forward to a happy and prosperous 2011. The Dude has been a bit sporadic lately … too much happy egg nog, one might suppose. Plus, to top it off, The Dude has recently come down with a bit of a gnarly bug. Now he’s all hopped up on cold meds, trying to remember what day it is (August?).
The winter blues seem to have had an effect on some of you. Below, The Dude responds to help you maintain sanity.
Dude, I have a crush on my friend. She’s my best friend, and lately I’ve been digging her more than just as a movie buddy. I haven’t told her how I feel, pretty sure she’ll get weirded out and not talk to me, or pull the “I love you … as a friend” speech. What’s The Dude’s next move?
If only it were easy. Traditional advice would be to sit her down and tell her exactly how you feel. Then, as scripted in a movie scene, she would suddenly realize that she, too, is deeply and madly in love with you. Why didn’t I see it sooner, she’ll ask. It’s so obvious, you’ll say. Then you’ll get married and live happily ever after, riding ponies into the sunset. Sadly, though, this isn’t how things go. Sure, friends occasionally move into something more, but not because of full disclosure of feelings. You, friend, have involved yourself in a game, and your success depends on how well you play. I’ve consulted The Dude’s panel on this one for some rounded advice, and the most common answer is: If you believe you have any chance with this girl, get a love life outside this girl. Gracefully wean your communication with her over a couple weeks. Then ask her to go grab a drink. Be candid about your dating; let her see what she’s missing. Sometimes, these situations all come down to perspective – she needs to see you as a potential partner, not just a shoulder to cry on between her own romantic escapades.
I recently lost my job and have to collect unemployment for now. My girlfriend is giving me crap because she says she’s on track for a real job. She’s not digging the unemployment, and not digging me. What do I do?
-Dave the Unemployed
This is a rough situation. I’ve had many a friend caught up in similar predicaments. Losing one’s job is a big enough morale smasher, let alone having your confidante give you grief about it. If you’re out looking for employment , putting things in motion to move forward, then maybe this isn’t the girl for you. But if you’re content collecting that check because it’s rough in the job market, then maybe you’re not the right guy for her.
I saw a tattoo on this guy’s neck the other day, looked pretty sick. I’ve always wanted a tattoo, and I’m gonna get one. What’s your thoughts on neck tattoos?
The Dude is a fan of a tattoo here or there, placed tactfully, designed with meaning. It’s hard, however, to commend or justify a neck tattoo. The Dude’s thoughts: A neck tattoo is one’s admission to the world that he/she is not to be taken seriously, unless you’re planning on stabbing somebody, in which case, right on. The only place a neck tattoo commands respect is on the streets. If you ever want a bank account above three digits, lay off the visible ink. And that’s not even to mention most females’ thoughts on the subject(here’s a hint: negative). Do us all a favor, get the tattoo. Then in 20 years, go around to the local schools and tell the kids how you’ve never landed a job because that creepy thing on your neck makes people uncomfortable.
Dude Wisdom is a column written by a guy from town. This column aims to flip the traditional love advice column on its head, spin it around a few times, then knock it over with a roundhouse kick. Find The Dude on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/DudeWise or email your relationship quandaries to firstname.lastname@example.org. Remember, this Dude abides.
A News Cafe, founded in Shasta County by Redding, CA journalist Doni Greenberg, is the place for people craving local Northern California news, commentary, food, arts and entertainment. Views and opinions expressed here are not necessarily those of anewscafe.com.