Phil: Steve, you surprised me by admitting you watched a baseball game. You further revealed that you were actually caught up in the game’s inherent drama. Quite a confession from an NFL-addled ADD Super Steelers Fan.
Steve: I admit I do dip in this time of year. You can’t be a real Amurrrrican if you don’t watch the World Series. I start paying attention (sort of) at the very end of the playoffs so I’m not completely in the dark during the Series. Once in a while, I look up from whatever I’m reading and check the score. But I don’t root for a baseball team because I simply do not care. Maybe I’ll root against the Yankees. That seems to be a popular stance. I would’ve rooted for the Dodgers, just to make you happy, but hahaha on that.
Phil: Alas, as you so rudely point out, my beloved Dodgers are in “Wait’ll Next Year” mode. So, around our house, it is officially BASKETBALL SEASON!!! My Lakers are defending their crown and I’m hopeful we’ll see your Boston Celtics in the 2010 Finals. L.A. added renowned bad boy Ron Artest while the Celts picked up Rasheed “Sheed” Wallace. Shaq joins LeBron in Cleveland, the Spurs got a little younger (and quicker) with Richard Jefferson, and Orlando (with Dwight Howard) should still compete as well. It promises to be very interesting on the hardwood this year. Did the Lakers add a distraction to their championship mix with Artest? Or, did they bulk up and become an even better defensive team? Not many clubs can match the Laker front court of Bynum, Gasol and Odom — and in the back court they still have The Human Dagger, Kobe Bryant. They could push the 70-win plateau, or they could mightily, and noisily, implode. We’ll see.
Steve: I predict that Lamar Odom will implode because he married one of those Kardashian sisters and that’s enough to distract any man from basketball and most anything else. Plus, he’s probably tired all the time. Once the Odom wheel comes off the wagon, Artest will have to play offense without running over Kobe like the out-of-control Buick he sometimes resembles.
Phil: Yeah, I don’t know about Ron-Ron. The conventional wisdom says that Phil Jackson will be able to handle him. Supposed to make him into a 21st-century Dennis Rodman. That’s a comforting thought for Laker fans. I hope Lamar saved the wedding dress; his buddy Artest may need it.
Steve: Rasheed Wallace presents the same problem as Artest. It’s like having a hand grenade sitting around the house. Sooner or later, it’ll go off. But maybe the Celtic veterans can keep him line. I think they’ll go all the way if Kevin Garnett stays healthy.
Phil: I think the Celts will make the finals if they stay healthy, but I like the Lakers’ chances in that match-up. Kobe has a score to settle. I would NOT bet against Kobe when he’s got something to prove. If both of our teams make it and are healthy, well, it would demand a sizable wager between us. Something involving a dress might be appropriate.
Steve: Oh, you. Any excuse to wear a dress. We probably should spare the readers more of this sparkling sports analysis, if there are any still reading at this point. What else is going on? Any swine flu over at your house? Any swine?
Phil: Actually, the pig has been sick. I think he’s faking, though. He probably senses that he’s about to end up in between some biscuits with home fries and this charade is designed to delay the inevitable.
Steve: Don’t let the pig outwit you. How goes the write-in campaign? Any fraud charges filed against you yet?
Phil: I’m concerned about the campaign. The current council members are doing their best to make my candidacy appear viable. I mean, I simply can’t out-funny these guys. Then again, I have trouble trying to out-funny inanimate objects.
Steve: What? Sorry, I was listening to an inanimate object. When my shoes start wagging their tongues, they’re hilarious. Just like the city council.
Phil: Well, if you’re the kind of guy who listens to his shoes, you’re probably the kind who would vote for me. (Spoken in thick Scottish brogue) After all, your footwear knows a heel when it sees one.
Steve: Aye, and that’s why I’m voting for the pig.