I know what you were thinking: “Oh, that Philbert! He’s such a silly little man!” That may very well be the case, but in this instance I’m as serious as a Patrick Jones assault weapon with laser sighting. Hey! This ain’t no disco, this ain’t no foolin’ around. I’m running as a write-in candidate for Redding City Council.
Do you know why I’m running? Neither do I, except I REALLY, REALLY want one of those gigantic comfy chairs. Regular people don’t get to sit in chairs like that. Only those elected as servants of regular people get to sit in those big-ass comfy chairs. I promise, that when I’m elected, you can come to my house and sit in the big comfy chair and play Madden ’09 until your eyeballs bleed. I might bring you a cold soda and pretzels once in awhile but that’s pretty much the extent of any “public service” you can expect from me.
Look, I don’t want to mislead you. If elected, I won’t show up for most of the council meetings. I’m in it for the plush furniture and to tweak Dick Dickerson’s mustache. Priceless. And besides, I like to do my cartoons from live subjects… well, Ken Murray may be a wax figurine, but you know what I mean. It’ll make for better cartoons if I’m there to see these guys in their natural habitat. We all want better cartooning, don’t we?
I even have bumper stickers:
Now, you’re more or less forced to take a campaign seriously if a candidate has slogans and bumper stickers. Tee-shirts are already available for order. This campaign is cookin’, baby! I’m also in the process of trying to drum up some real impressive endorsements. You’ll be amazed. OK, maybe amused. Any way you look at it, it’ll be more fun than your usual dull, drab City Council campaign. We’ll have crayons and whoopie-cushions and birthday cakes and confetti and lots and lots of lame puns. You’re gonna love it.
Stay tuned for more mayhem!
Phil Fountain is the staff cartoonist for FFT:ANC and has been in the fruit punch again. He believes he’s a viable candidate for City Council. We urge you to play along and humor him. He’s been despondent since losing his “real” job, and what could it hurt? You can learn more about the campaign and how to get tee-shirts by visiting his blog, Philbertosophy. You may also send him a message by e-mail: philf.anewscafe@gmail
