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Hey! KQMS! What About Me???

The following communique was issued by Harry Ames, Jr., who is handling the Imaginary Peoples Party candidate for Redding City Council. It is directed to local radio station, KQMS. It is reprinted here exactly as it was received by Food for Thought: A News Café:

Local radio station, KQMS, has offered “real” candidates equal time on its airwaves to state their cases regarding their candidacy for Redding’s City Council.

FACT: IPP candidate, Philbert D. Cartoonist, has not been contacted, telepathically or otherwise, to participate in this forum.

Is this a fair election? Can a candidate, just because he’s not on the ballot, be ignored? Dismissed? Is this America, or is it the SoBeIt Bunion? We know the answer to that, does KQMS???

Sure, he’s an imaginary person, but what exactly is radio? Pulsating waves intercepted by a device that translates these invisible signals into audible linguistic communication? Does that sound likely? I think not. Since radio probably doesn’t exist, what makes our candidate any different? He probably doesn’t exist either, but is he any less real? Does he not prick if he’s bled? Does he not put his pantaloons on one limb at a time? Wherefore doth he trod if he doth not trod upon the oscillating airwaves of the mind?

Note to KQMS: We’re Unclear, We’re Not Here, But Neither Are You — Get Used To Us! We respectfully request you bequeath unto Our Candidate access to your Magic Box and your radio station for the sole purpose of spreading his message like manure upon the field. What’s fair for the moose is fair for the panderer. And the Elks and others of their ilk. Do what’s right and write-in our write-in right into your programming schedule. You’ll be sorry you did, and so will we.

Thank you.

Harry Ames, Jr.
Campoon Manager
Imaginary Peoples Party (a wholly disowned subsidiary of the Nat’l Surrealist Light People’s Party)

You can find out more about this ridiculous campaign at the Official Philbert For Council Website.

Phil Fountain

Phil Fountain is a pseudonym for ANC’s prodigal cartoonist, Philbert Phountain, who has recently returned from a working hiatus where he served as the lead fact-checker for George Santos. He lives in Shasta County with his long-suffering wife, Christine, as well as a variety of layabouts and urchins who claim to be his progeny … including three grandchildren. He busies himself with his crayons and obsessing over the fate of his favorite baseball team while a small dog sleeps under his desk. He’s actually not such a bad guy as evidenced by the fact the dog rarely bites him anymore. Look for his crudely rendered drawings in future posts on A News Café.

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