I have noticed that when people start having trouble hearing, they think everyone else is mumbling. It saddens me how much of life some miss because they refuse to acknowledge they have a hearing problem.
My dad isolated himself from conversations in the two or so years of his denial. I would see him sitting in the room with us with a smile on his face and I knew he did not hear or understand the conversations around him. When asked a question, he would admit he “hadn’t been listening.”
We missed his humor and contributions to the discussions. When he finally got a hearing aid we had our dad back.
One coping mechanism that my dear mother-in-law had for both her hearing loss and her increasing confusion was using canned sayings. If you asked her a question and she wasn’t sure of the correct response, she would say, “That wouldn’t be bad now, would it?”
This phase got her through many situations.
Would you like to go to the store?
That wouldn’t be bad now, would it?
Do you need me to turn up the heater?
That wouldn’t be bad now, would it?
There are guests coming here on Friday, are you looking forward to it?
That wouldn’t be bad now, would it?
She had about five or six sayings that got her though most situations. If someone was telling her a long-winded story, she would respond with, “What can you do then?”
I even heard her use that one in the doctor’s office, when he was discussing her symptoms. I wish I had made a list of her sayings. They would surely help me today.
It is difficult not only for the person with the hearing loss but also for those around them. If people are aware of the hearing loss, they speak up in an attempt to be heard. The hard-of-hearing can’t hear how loud their own voice is, so they talk just shy of shouting.
A day of that is exhausting for everyone – no matter how much you love them.
If others don’t know the person is hard of hearing and raise their voice loud enough, it can lead to some interesting exchanges.
I was shopping with a friend. She was paying for her purchases when the clerk asked, “What is your zip code?” My friend replied, “My code, what code? I don’t use this credit card very often, I usually pay cash, what code do you want??
The clerk replied, “Your zip code.”
My friend said, “Why do you need that? I have my credit card!”
This same friend is going through a little rough spot with her daughter. Her daughter says she can’t say anything without her mother yelling at her. This issue with her daughter might have convinced my friend to finally have her hearing checked.
That wouldn’t be bad now, would it?
Darcie Gore has a master’s degree in social work and has always been involved in the community and social services. Having been married to Jim for 36 years, she has learned about computers by osmosis, starting with keypunching his first computer programs at Cal Poly. She is often seen with her service dog, Bailey.
