Dear Voters,
Today, as you head to the polls to exercise your rights as free Americans, don’t forget to bring your crayon. Because, quite simply, it’s your write to right-in the candidate you would like to see sitting in one of those big, comfortable seats on the Redding City Council. You can’t deny that my big, fine rear-end would fill that seat juuuust riiight, can you?
Don’t live in Redding? Can’t vote for Redding City Council? That’s all right, Voter. Write me in anyway. For School Board, Water Commissioner, Dog Chaser…I don’t mind. In fact, my mind doesn’t even exist. I am, after all, the Candidate of the Mind. The candidate who isn’t even there…just like those other politicians who aren’t really there for you …The Voting Public. I’m just telling you up front…because…well, because I like you. I like you because you’re looking out for me. You want me to be happy and you know that big, black, simulated plasticine coated chair stuffed with packing peanuts and bubble wrap is something that would make me happy. Isn’t democracy about being happy? Sure it is. And us Americans like to be happy.
Before you fill in the blank with another blank, ask yourself. what other candidate will make you happy? Don’t see one? Vote for the name that you don’t see (happiness is hard to find). Vote for me. Why the heck not? It’ll make EVERYBODY happy.
Should the unthinkable happen, and I fail to put my seat in that seat…well, rest assured, it’s all your fault.
All you needed was a crayon.
