There’s nothing more my lover wants in life than for me to have his baby. He has a son; I have a daughter. They’ve developed into wonderful teenagers, but he yearns for us to have one that’s half him, half me. A baby we can raise together. I have to admit that there are moments when I get carried away with the romantic notion of giving him the greatest gift possible, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. The reality of it keeps slapping me in the face.
- I look at my age – almost 45. Unlike guys, who can produce tens of thousands of new sperm every day, we women are born with all the eggs we’re ever going to have. So by the time we’re 40, they’re starting to deteriorate a little, increasing the chances of having a child with severe disabilities.
- Then factor in my physical condition – I’ve had back problems my whole life and have been overweight from the age of 22. It’s who I am. It doesn’t stop me from riding a bike or shaking my plentiful booty on the dance floor. But carrying around another 30 pounds? Ugh.
- And let’s not forget about my life – I’m already a single mom raising a high schooler and an emotionally needy dog. I’ve got a demanding career that often requires weird hours. Can you imagine my water breaking while I’m on stage at the Cascade introducing Lily Tomlin or Bruce Cockburn? Yeah, okay, let’s not imagine that.
During the past year, two close friends have had babies. Both women are in their 40s. It was a first for Stephanie, and when her sweet cherub Avalia was born, my boyfriend’s reaction was, “If Stephanie can have a beautiful, perfect, healthy baby girl, so can you!” Caroline was 42 when she made a conscious decision to have another child, this time without a partner and without giving up her incredibly demanding career as a corporate jet pilot. I thought my hours were wacky? Caroline flies to Africa one week, Alaska the next. When she gave birth to Carly Q, my boyfriend said, “See, she didn’t give up her career to have a baby … come on, please?”
But when it comes down to it, the thought of dedicating so much of my life to raising another little human being is just so … sigh …. exhausting. I loved being pregnant (after the first few months), and I loved giving birth. And I loved watching my sweet daughter grow into an amazing human being. But I really dedicated my entire life to the effort, and my job’s not done yet. It’s been a lot of work.
So honey, please forgive me. Make those chicken bock-bock-bock sounds at me all you want, but I just don’t think I can do it.
However, another one of my good friends is up to the task. Cheryl is exactly my age, and getting ready to go into labor any day now to bring her first baby girl into the world (after a pair of boys, who are now teenagers). This is the kind of bravery I wish I could muster up!
I’ve been following her pregnancy from the beginning, because, of course, my boyfriend has been looking from her belly to me, her belly, to me, with that sad little puppy dog look on his face that says, “See what we’re missing out on? Please please please please PLEASE?”
When Cheryl told me she was due in September, I immediately started planning this column, for her Labor Day. And I’m culling many of the songs from a radio show I did back in 1997, when I was pregnant, as a tribute to pregnancy, childbirth, and all the hard labor I knew was ahead of me once I became the mother of my baby girl. But that labor has turned into a labor of love, from the very beginning. I don’t really want to do it all over again, but I celebrate the mommies (and the daddies) who are happily welcoming new life into their families around the time most of us are starting to plan our retirement.
- Bobby McFerrin– Baby
- Stevie Wonder– Isn’t She Lovely
- Yael Naim– New Soul
- Talking Heads– Stay Up Late
- Eric Church– Two Pink Lines
- Alison Krauss– Baby Mine
- Everything But The Girl– Apron Strings
- Kate Bush– This Woman’s Work
- Paul Anka– You’re Having My Baby
- Jim Gaffigan– Having My Baby
- Desi Arnaz– We’re Having A Baby
- Creed– With Arms Wide Open
- Kenny Chesney– There Goes My Life
- Bobby McFerrin & Yo-Yo Ma– Hush Little Baby
- Kenny Loggins– Danny’s Song
- Colbie Caillat– Capri
- XTC– Then She Appeared
- Elton John– Blessed
- Sister Hazel– Green
- Elton John (or Celine Dion)– Beautiful Boy
- John Mayer– Daughters
- Maurice Chevalier – Thank Heaven For Little Girls
Valerie Ing-Miller has been the Northern California Program Coordinator for Jefferson Public Radio in Redding for nine years and can often be found serving as Mistress of Ceremonies at the Cascade Theatre. For her, ultimate satisfaction comes from a perfect segue. She’s the mother of a teenage daughter and a 7-year-old West Highland Terrier, and can’t imagine life without them or music. Valerie wakes up with a song in her head, she sings in the shower and at the top of her lungs in the car.
A News Cafe, founded in Shasta County by Redding, CA journalist Doni Greenberg, is the place for people craving local Northern California news, commentary, food, arts and entertainment. Views and opinions expressed here are not necessarily those of anewscafe.com.