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A Modest Proposal – A Solution for Excessive Taxation and the Dilemma of Health Care

Illustration by Phil Fountain.

Sometimes I just lie awake at night worrying. It’s hard for me to sleep when I think of all the taxes we pay. Income tax, property tax, sales tax, estate tax—the list just goes on and on. And the bonds! My goodness, the school bonds we pay for! (And I’ve never even sent my children to public schools—talk about unfair!) I’ve been waiting and waiting for our President to make it right after suffering through the horrible years of Obama. I pray that the good people in Congress will finally come through with the tax relief we so abundantly deserve.

I have waited decades for our leaders to finish the job that the brilliant President Reagan began. I believe that “trickle down” economics will only work when we expand it to its logical end. If we could get rid of the onerous tax burden that is imposed on us well-off folks, things would be better for everyone. I know that if I didn’t pay so much in taxes I would be much more generous with my tips. And I don’t just mean my good advice (haha). I would probably start by tipping at least 15%. This would affect a lot of people—manicurist, hairdresser, masseuse, pool boy, landscapers, esthetician, housekeeper, nanny, drivers, not to mention waiters and waitresses and hotel maids.

I’m old enough to remember The Great Recession. Times were so bad that we vacationed in the States. I had to do my own nails and forego my weekly massage for a monthly one. We limited meals out to once or twice a week. I actually gave up facials for a year. That didn’t just hurt me—think of all the little people that suffered, too.

I don’t like to see this discord among people of our party. After all, we all want the same thing: get rid of ObamaCare. Most of us already have health insurance and those who don’t probably don’t deserve it. These are the same people who have lots of bad health habits. I mean really—look at the pictures of Walmart people and tell me we should support them! (I’ve never actually been to a Walmart but I do see photos and even videos on social media—disgusting!) Still, credit where credit is due: many of them voted the right way. The only reason that Mr. Trump hasn’t been able to complete his agenda is that some people in Congress are just not thinking right. They need to think right—very Right. I don’t believe in that Darwin stuff, but there may be something to “survival of the fittest” and all that. For example, I’m healthier because I take care of myself. I belong to the best gym, have a personal trainer, eat only organic foods, and avoid stress. (That’s been easier lately because when I look at my stock portfolio I can smile and think, “thank you Mr. President.”)

The government needs to get behind our President and take care of the people who matter. My family and I have contributed to a lot of campaigns—and our elected officials should remember that. I know that some of our politicians are namby-pamby about spelling things out, but I don’t have to be. I’ve been saved and I’ve read my Bible. You know how Jesus said “the poor will always be with us.” Sad, but true. But do we need so many of them? The reason we have so much unemployment is because a lot of menial labor is now being done by robots and such. Or, smart business people (like Ivanka, bless her) locate their factories overseas where the worker bees know their place and are willing to do their jobs without pricing themselves out of the market. It’s obvious to me: we just don’t need all these bottom feeders living on food stamps and Medicare and Medicaid and Social Security and what-not. This is truly a case of less is more.

So what are we to do with all the riffraff in America? Do they need healthcare? I say no. As a matter of fact, we need a lot less of it. Less health care ultimately equals fewer poor people—duh. I know that sounds a bit mean, but it’s for the best. Remember when our forefathers were building our great country? There were some casualties along the way. Yes, some people were enslaved and some tribes were displaced, but that’s what makes America so special. We get over these things and move on.

I say, Onward Christian Soldiers! Sometimes you have to make the hard decisions and let the chips fall where they may. Let’s continue the job that Reagan began and let’s call TrumpCare what it is: a tax cut for the upper class–and we richly deserve it. They may not come out and say it, but I know many of my friends—especially Pence, Cruz, McConnell, Ryan, Rand . . . well, there are just too many to list—will privately agree with me. It’s the Republican way.

And yes, Let’s make America Great Again!

Joann Swift

Click here for the original Jonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal”.