• The plumber came to unplug my drain…he said it was hair. He looked a little startled when I gave him a high five and a large tip. I was so proud I had enough hair left to clog a drain.
• I admire the man in the red plaid shirt and bent hat trying so hard to cross the street by ever so carefully putting one foot in front of the other… I’ve felt like that on occasion.
• I’m going to try a new shaving implement this morning … near as I can figure, the design is based loosely on Roto Rooter… the man in the mirror looks a little nervous.
• I grew up in a household where my dad sat in his tee shirt at the kitchen table and drank bourbon out of a water glass while my mom worked a night shift at a local hospital…the Cleavers we weren’t but it seemed to work. The kids grew up ok.
• Great tee shirt logo…”The Cleavers We Weren’t”.
• A friend added a year or so to her age… everyone believed her. Now she wants the years back but no one believes her… age doesn’t appear to allow U-turns.
• With one minute of instruction (I actually listened for 30 seconds before my eyes glazed over), I took a Harley for a ride along Malibu… no helmet, just a bathing suit. It seemed like such a good idea. The bike and I wound up on a resident’s lawn. After a civil exchange of four letter words, I made it back to the starting point without further issue.
• The point to the last paragraph is that the world is a better place because I never had kids… I can’t even imagine lecturing them with a straight face about “making good decisions”, “hanging with right people”, ad nauseam…etc.
• A friend and I stood for hours outside a small corner market, chewing bubble gum and exchanging $2000 baseball cards…at the time they were a nickel.
• I once worked for a man charitably described as “driven”. I asked his formula for success… “Get a loan, buy stuff, live long enough for it to become valuable”.
• My mind has a wastebasket reserved for useless, out-dated information but I just can’t push the delete button… I never know when I might need a worn cliché or a discarded reason for revenge or even a…
• My heel hurts…the doc says quit drinking. I have a rash on my leg…the doc says quit drinking…my shoulder aches…same advice. This doc is my second (or third) opinion… can’t be good.
• I love airports…I always thank the security guard for the little extra during the pat-down; I shrug it off when my flight is delayed an hour or two and I laugh when the stranger sitting next to me in the restaurant asks for a “loan” with a loose repayment schedule…I love airports.
• A look I’m developing that isn’t good…that little triangle my shirt makes when it puckers open at the belly button. Triangles are bad.
Doug Mudford is a lawyer and partner at Barr & Mudford, with an emphasis on serious personal injury. He may be reached at Barr & Mudford, 1824 Court St., Redding, 530.243.8008. Send questions for “That Lawyer Guy” to email@example.com.
Doug Mudford’s photo illustration by Michael Burke of Redding. Click here to see more Michael Burke photos.
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