Dude Wisdom: Caught Between a Rock and a Public Place

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The Dude is lovin’ some sunshine. We passed through the all-too-brief period we Northern Californians become enamored with each year — the roughly 2-week window of warm weather, preceded by cold storms and followed by triple-digit temps. It seems we’ll get a short reprieve for the next several days in Redding. Enjoy it while you can — it won’t be this nice again until September. Though the Nor-Cal oven is still just preheating, summer lovin’ seems to be cooking up nicely.


My girlfriend wants to do it in public. She’s in her early 20s and totally turned on by the possibility of getting caught and thinks it’s exciting. I’m in my 30s and think getting caught would be bad for my professional reputation. Am I wrong here?

The Dude fancies himself a law-abiding citizen and would not encourage behavior out of alignment with the law. That said, the idea of getting busy in public can, for many people, arouse excitement. So I guess you have to ask yourself a couple things: 1) Is the potentially mind blowing sex worth the punishment that may come with it (and damage to your professional reputation), and 2) Is this the girl that’s right for you, right now? You’re obviously on different planes – so the answer to your question might be a little more metaphysical than you’re willing to admit. As a side note, check out this photo that’s gone viral online. Vancouver riots. Guns. Fires. Getting busy in the middle of the street. Maybe you should take a trip north …

Dude Man,

My friend is moving, and I got roped into helping him. I’ve had to help him move twice in two years and he’s got more crap than he knows what to do with. It’s like “Hoarders.” He’s a good friend, so I hate saying no, but I also don’t want to move couches up three flights of stairs as my Saturday activity. Should I ditch out?

I’m going to go ahead and say it: The Dude hates moving. The Dude further dislikes helping other people move. There are always barbed bait promises like “it’s just help with the large stuff,” or “it’ll only take an hour, tops.” Promises like these are always false, the experienced realist in me believes. You both know it’s going to take longer. It’s a pain in the ass, but what’s a Saturday for a friend, who undoubtedly provides you emotional benefit the rest of the year. And grumpy about it though you may be, you still do it. Because that’s what friends do. Because that’s what you would want somebody else to do the next time you move. Agree, with the condition that he brings the bourbon and you bring the oranges and cherries, and after a day of couch-slanging you whip up a batch of old fashioneds.

Hey Dude,
I’m a recently single mom. I’m 24 with a 5-year-old and it’s been really hard trying to meet a new guy. I feel like guys check me out when I’m at the store, but look away as soon as they see my son. How do guys want me to act?

Guys, at least the ones to whom you should consider giving the time of day, want you to be comfortable in yourself. A strong woman caring for a child is a very sexy thing. It’s not a stretch to say that a lot of guys at that age have no idea what they’re looking for. And that’s perfectly fine. Don’t lower yourself to attract some guy who doesn’t want you for you. Look, you need a power shift. Approach it differently. Showcase your value – raise your standards, never lower them. Carry yourself as the beautiful woman you are and guys will be thankful you took the time to acknowledge them.

Dude Wisdom is a column written by a guy from town. This column aims to flip the traditional advice column on its head, spin it around a few times, then knock it over with a roundhouse kick. Email your quandaries to dudewisdom@gmail.com. Remember, this Dude abides.

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is a guy from town. His column aims to flip the traditional love advice column on its head, spin it around a few times, then knock it over with a roundhouse kick. Find him on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/DudeWise or email your relationship quandaries to dudewisdom@gmail.com. Remember, this dude abides.
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4 Responses

  1. Avatar Gamerjohn says:

    I feel like I am cheating on Nancy Sutton Pierce and her columns, but I had to comment on the public sex thing since my wife had a similiar attitude when we were younger. Flashing truckers, no panties when she came to my office, store dressing rooms, it was always exciting. I can truthfully say that sex on the beach is not great and the sand really does get in places you hate.

    Finally the kiss in the riot in Vancouver happened when the cops knocked both to the ground and then left them to chase after other people. The girl was clearly crying and the guy was trying to calm her down. It was not romantic or planned. You can see a good video on Deadspin that shows the riot and the kiss.

    The lady with a kid needs to look for guys in other places. Can't her friends fix her up with a nice guy? Churches instead of bars.

    • Avatar Not into That says:

      "The lady with a kid needs to look for guys in other places. Can't her friends fix her up with a nice guy? Churches instead of bars."

      If only there was a large Sunday gathering of civic-minded agnostics in this town!

  2. Avatar Joanne Lobeski Snyde says:

    Great article as usual Dude. I've been out of the media loop so the Vancouver riot link was a shock. It's an education to see un-oppressed, well fed people riot and video tape the whole thing. I agree with your advice for the movers friend. I agree with Gamerjohn…….what can you possibly learn about a person in a grocery store? I mean,… to connect to them in a meaningful way beyond appearance? I would suggest joining a club. Music oriented, nature oriented, book oriented, exercise, biking or hiking oriented. You get to know someone when you're doing things together, and have the same interests.

  3. Avatar Steve Fischer says:

    My wife and I met in Albertson's (the original location next to K-Mart) in 1978. We were in the produce aisle, we chatted, met for lunch, dated, and suddenly it's 33 years later. Her babies from then, my stepkids, are grown with kids of their own. I didn't want kids, but she was a package deal, and I've turned out to be a pretty good dad and grandpa, so I'm told. Even my mother is amazed.

    Keep your standards high, talk to people, pursue mutual interests. And decisions made at 2:00 PM in the grocery store are probably better any made at 2:00 AM anywhere.

    p.s. – sounds like 'gamerjohn' forgot his beach blanket…