I’ve been getting a lot of good questions lately — it looks like you have begun to open up to The Dude! As the weather flips and flops between rain and sweet, blessed sunshine, so too seems to be the trend with your love life. Fear not, The Dude is in! This week’s session has officially begun. Get out your pad and let me learn you up real good.
My coworker, and “friend,” recently started dating my ex. I’m fine with it … it wasn’t a super serious relationship and it’s been a few months since we broke up. But it’s annoying that he keeps coming to me for this advice … or am I just being a baby?
This might feel like it could be a touchy situation, fellow dude. Your relationship with your ex obviously isn’t the problem here, which immediately removes a lot of the drama from the problem. What you’re left with is, as you say, your “friend.” I think you’re on to the fact that your relationship is more an acquaintance than anything, and he’s trying to use that to your disadvantage, likely without him having the consideration to realize what he’s actually doing. Here’s your next move: Don’t confront him about it — in the workplace, he may get defensive and make it more bother than it’s worth. But if he does ask for further advice, simply tell him, “You’re a big boy.”
I’m a mid-thirties woman and recently broke up with my boyfriend of about a year. I’m doing better, things are starting to seem more normal, or so I thought. An ex from about 10 years ago sent me an email the other day. Truth is, I think about him regularly, but have told myself it’s done. Then I hear from him unexpectedly. What do I do?!
The Dude has certainly experienced this, both in times of bachelordom as well as while having been involved in a relationship. In your case, I’ll give you The Dude’s thoughts. After long, pensive thoughts on the subject, when I was last in your situation, I had to ask myself if I had thought of the person regularly, or if I had been thinking of that person because I had just been removed from a situation of comfort. It can easily seem like it is serendipitous or fatefully aligned that you would be hearing from this person. But The Dude believes you receive whatever thoughts you send out, and if you’ve sent thoughts that you are lonely and looking for the comfort you once had, it will be presented to you. But that was a long time ago, and if we are meant to continually move forward with our lives, looking back for that skewed sense of comfort won’t do anything to help you grow — it will have the opposite effect, in fact. My advice: consider it flattering and move on to the next phase.
Not happy to admit this, but my girlfriend is an awesome athlete … and she beats me at pretty much every sport we play. To add to it, it happens a lot in front of my friends. Of course, I get some crap for it. Should I ask her to take it a little easier?
-Beat by a Girl
I had to read this twice. You’re not happy to admit that your girlfriend is an amazing athlete? Methinks you have a confidence issue. Without you even saying so, I’m sure your attitude after she whomps on you is telling enough — you are discomforted by her power. The Dude’s thoughts: You’re approaching this situation entirely wrong. Having a girlfriend who is athletic, and good at what she does, is undeniably one of the hottest attributes we men can imagine. Pull your tail from between your legs, and don’t you dare ask her to tone it down. Get some practice in and tell her to bring it on. She’ll respect you for the challenge.
Dude Wisdom is a column written by a guy from town. This column aims to flip the traditional advice column on its head, spin it around a few times, then knock it over with a roundhouse kick. Find The Dude on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/DudeWise or email your relationship quandaries to firstname.lastname@example.org. Remember, this Dude abides.
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