Dude Wisdom: Friendship on the Rocks, With Salt

What in the heck is happening in the world today? There are wars, financial crises and all types of bad stuff going on. But that’s not what I’m talking about. The weather outside is amazing! The Dude gladly gives two manly thumbs up to 65-degree days and sunny skies. But let us not fool ourselves; winter isn’t quite over. There will be rain, and lots of it. But for now, we must take joy in the beauty of the outside. Now for an awkward transition: Speaking [not] of sunny days, one of The Dude’s readers is frustrated with his friend. What would you do?

Dude,
My friend is being an idiot. He lost his job, which sucks, but now he just drinks a lot with his unemployment money, like an idiot, and his downer ways are bumming me out. He’s a good guy and smart, how do I get him to get his head straight? I want to slap him, but there’s probably a better answer …
-Kyle

I wonder how long your friend has been unemployed. From the sound of it, it’s been a little while. This is kind of a tough situation to be in – as The Dude knows firsthand. You have known your friend a long time, know he’s well intentioned, can do any job he sets his mind to. And you want to help him, so you throw a few leads his way, offer to help spruce up his resume, be the moral support you think he needs until he gets back on the horse. Then you find yourself some months later realizing what you knew all along – the only person that can help your friend is your friend. You can provide him some help when he’s ready to be helped, but investing too much of yourself in somebody else’s drama quickly eats away at your desire to be around that person. If you value your friendship, which it sounds like you do, tell him to pull his head out of … the clouds … or don’t bother wasting your time.

dude, my gf is hatin on me cuz i talked 2 her friend. it wuznt even n e thing u know just talkin but she thinks we hooked up. but i aint even like that. wus her deal?
-Anonymous
(Go figure)

First of all, what? Second of all, either you’re much too busy a guy to take the additional two minutes to spell out words in their entirety (and who knows, maybe throw some punctuation in there, just for the hell of it), or, and this might be the more plausible reason, you don’t care. You don’t care about the rules of language — the same one with which you communicate every¬† single day. Or maybe you don’t understand the rules. I guess that’s a possibility as well. But as a functional adult, and hopefully a productive member of society, if you don’t understand the rules of language, you should at least care enough to learn. Same with your relationship. If you don’t understand why she’s mad you’re talking to her friend, you should care enough to learn.

Dear Dude, my boyfriend is a mature guy, at least more mature than other guys his age. But a few of his friends came to town, and he acted differently than normal. He was out with them every night for the weekend, they hit each other and laugh about it, he came home drunk, made fart jokes. Who is this guy?
-Katie

If I had a nickel … well, I couldn’t do much with a nickel, except snap it across the room. But I digress. We men are a mysterious bunch — riddled with a never-ending quest for adolescence, hostage of the adult world and its many strictures. And I don’t believe it too much a stretch to say that women converse more openly and regularly about emotions — be they good or bad — than their male counterparts. When men make friendships, they’re pretty much set in stone. Bonds like this are strong and weird. Years can pass between conversations, and pick up right where they left off. Your boyfriend isn’t a different person, but instead connecting with people of his past. It’s like a male version of a luncheon — but we can’t openly say that for fear of being considered weak. That said, the best feeling in the world is, at the end of the day, lying in bed next to the person with whom you’re in love. And I bet your boyfriend feels that, too.

Dude Wisdom is a column written by a guy from town. This column aims to flip the traditional love advice column on its head, spin it around a few times, then knock it over with a roundhouse kick. Find The Dude on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/DudeWise or email your relationship quandaries to dudewisdom@gmail.com. Remember, this Dude abides.

A News Cafe, founded in Shasta County by Redding, CA journalist Doni Greenberg, is the place for people craving local Northern California news, commentary, food, arts and entertainment. Views and opinions expressed here are not necessarily those of anewscafe.com.

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is a guy from town. His column aims to flip the traditional love advice column on its head, spin it around a few times, then knock it over with a roundhouse kick. Find him on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/DudeWise or email your relationship quandaries to dudewisdom@gmail.com. Remember, this dude abides.
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1 Response

  1. Avatar Joanne Lobeski-Snyde says:

    Great article! Thank you for a great read. The second letter to you represents a new style of communication (texting) that is devoid of content because of the heavy reliance one the f* word, and inability to describe a situation. You were harsh with this guy, but harsh works with some guys.