• I’ve flunked every one of those magazine tests measuring my compatibility and communication skills and all that other touchy-feely junk. (Insensitive? Me?) Those tests send me into a tailspin. The ones about alcohol consumption make me thirsty. Cherry makes excuses for me. That’s why she’s on the nice list.
• My favorite birthday present was when I was 12 years old. My mother gave me a lemon meringue pie and a fork. She said you don’t have to share with anyone. I’d like to say I shared with my sisters, but I didn’t.
• Away from the tensions of work, birds and trees are relaxing. Yeah, I know, but I leave so many danglers hanging out there… just begging to modify something. Besides maybe birds and trees ARE more relaxed when away from work.
• This morning, my mind is racing. My body is in park. I pull the covers over my head… Not today. No work. No play. Just stay… But I can’t do it.
• I get to the mirror and see Woody Woodpecker staring back… red face, yellow nose and a top-knot sticking straight up in the air. I rarely laugh in the morning. This was an exception.
• I’ve never found an electric razor that removes the stubble from my neck. After a week I look like a poodle.
• I know I shouldn’t swear as much and as expertly as I do but I like the way the words sound.
• The Saturday NY Times crossword puzzle is the best. It takes inspiration to work them. I have 471 unfinished puzzles waiting for inspiration to strike. It’s sort of like my stocks. If I don’t sell them, I haven’t lost anything. So as long as I keep the puzzles, I haven’t been defeated… just waiting.
• It drives me nuts to watch people nibble food. The bigger the bite, the better it tastes.
• Hood up… cold, windy, rainy. Soaked to the bone. Planted two evergreen Southern Magnolia trees. A perfect day.
• Borrow kids. Borrow animals. On a recent evening, three dogs, a cat and a lamb were jumping all over me in the front yard. Eve the lamb was rescued by my neighbors because its mother had rejected it. My neighbors are cool.
• Second-hand theory: I mentioned earlier my hands seem to be growing with age but now I’m convinced they’re not my hands. The regular employee in charge of passing out hands must have been taking a smoke break when I was going through the line. My hands don’t fit me.
• Barn swallows made a nest on my front porch. It’s OK with me but tough on visitors. When I tell you to look up, it’s not a joke.
• Natural born worrier… If I don’t have anything, I’ll make something up.
• I recently read “The Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill.” The author’s explanation about not having a regular job for most of his adult life was fascinating… total gibberish but fascinating.
Doug Mudford is a lawyer and partner at Barr & Mudford, with an emphasis on serious personal injury. He may be reached at Barr & Mudford, 1824 Court St., Redding, (530) 243-8008. Send questions for “That Lawyer Guy” to doug@ca-lawyer.com.
