Reflections in a Mirror (While Shaving): Part 38

•My accountant said…you’re screwed.

•Reduced to pointing…ordered coffee…asked 122 questions about flavors, additives, seasonal compatibility, sizes, place of consumption…small is Grande. Grande isn’t. I pointed at the first thing I saw…one of those please.

•After shopping, when exiting the parking lot, I discovered I am the only polite driver left in California…no cutting in, honking or raised finger pointing. As a reward I got to spend an hour moving 100 feet.

•My cackle has become a rattle…my walk tilted at an imaginary windmill…my chin has its own chin…all in all, not too bad.

•I think I’ve discovered the path to ease of mind…blame everyone else for your shortcomings…I used to limit it to my mother but my shortcomings have multiplied beyond her capacity.

•A 100% fact…the key I want is always in the pocket I can’t reach.

•When I chuckle the least is when I need to chuckle the most. I think I’ll start a chuckle bucket…use when needed.

•A hair from the top of my ear just landed on my shoulder…probably not the basis for celebration.

•So easy to join, impossible to leave…Facebook, Apple Music, ad nauseum…hell, I still get greetings from a record club that went bankrupt in 1975 but thoughtfully sold my name to its surviving competitors.

•Yes, vinyl records.

•Comebacks I didn’t see coming…skinny ties (I gotta million of them), crew cuts (mine’s natural), big black frame reading glasses (mine never went out of style)

•Considering the above, I’m kinda, sorta styling’…it’s about time.

•No more diets, no less wine, no exercise…the formula is almost perfect.

•Delightful to disgusting after 5 seconds too long… toast.

•I’ve developed the annoying habit of chewing gum…where did that come from?

•Heard at the next table…”when I was getting my bikini waxed”…I’m sure that’s wrong but my ears refused to listen further.

•At another table, a diner was reading an actual book.

•I’ve loved to read ever since I …well, learned to read. Now I’ve gone from paper to Kindle to audio.

•Early on I read an entire set of stolen encyclopedias…my dad went to his grave saying he was innocent…the owners were decent enough not to press charges.

•When young, I lived for a while, in a house where I stepped in sand when I went outside…worth a million today…embarrassing then.

•I know I’m nearing the end when even my spellcheck says…you’re screwed…so goodbye until these words either write themselves or spellcheck limps back into the game.

Doug Mudford
is a lawyer and partner at Barr & Mudford, with an emphasis on serious personal injury. He may be reached at Barr & Mudford, 1824 Court St., Redding, (530) 243-8008, or doug@ca-lawyer.com.
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47 Responses

  1. Eleanor says:

    Yay, Doug!! What a great surprise to see you here this morning. I hope that last sentence doesn’t mean a real ‘goodbye’. I don’t need spellcheck to clarify what you are saying. You bring a bright start to the day! Thank you for coming back.

    • Doug Mudford says:

      Thank Eleanor…I appreciate your kind words. The spellcheck excuse is just to make sure I don’t overstay my welcome. Our world is so intense…my only goal is to produce a smile or two when our day starts…when I can’t do that…well, I’ll always have spellcheck.

  2. trek says:

    Does getting one’s “bikini waxed” help it to slid on?

    • Doug Mudford says:

      Morning Trek…any information I might have would date back to the one piece. I never heard one piece and wax used in the same sentence :)…now I’m using emojis…it may be time for another break.

  3. Steve Towers Steve Towers says:

    Doug says: “Early on I read an entire set of stolen encyclopedias…my dad went to his grave saying he was innocent…the owners were decent enough not to press charges.”

    I read my entire set of encyclopedias when I was a kid, too. Alas, my life’s story isn’t so interesting that I can toss off “they were stolen by my dad” as an aside. Way to leave the reader either filling in the blanks, or yearning to hear the rest of the story. Love it.

    • Doug Mudford says:

      Hi Steve

      I feel a kinship with anyone who has read a set. I was nine when I started…finished on my tenth birthday. I still can’t pass a set without picking one up.

  4. Darcie says:

    How happy you made me this morning to read your musings again!

  5. sue k says:

    Good laughs.
    Thank you!

  6. Beverly Stafford says:

    I’ve missed your writing for – how many months? Glad to have you filling my screen this AM.

    • Doug Mudford says:

      Good morning Beverly…Eleanor was kind enough to remind me I’d been missing for a while. It’s great to visit again.

  7. Cathy says:

    This was great! I hope to see articles from you more often.

  8. Peggy says:

    I put this in my chuckle bucket!

    • Doug Mudford says:

      Thank you Peggy.

      A full bucket is easier to top off when you have to borrow from it… I don’t have the slightest idea what that means but it almost sounds profound.

  9. Barbara Stone says:

    vinyl…yes

    • Doug Mudford says:

      Hi Barb

      A soft spot for me too. Unfortunately, I was the teen who would leave my records uncovered and never cleaned them. I enjoyed them as much as the next person but 100 years later, when I asked about resale, I just got a sad shake of the head.

    • Steve Towers Steve Towers says:

      I got rid of my vinyl collection and stereo system, including the turntable, about 25 years ago, when we move to Redding. When vinyl started coming back into style I told myself that my tastes had changed—had I kept my collection, I’d not be spinning those old LPs anyway. I used to feel sorry/distain for people whose musical tastes suffered arrested development in high school.

      Now I’m wishing I’d kept at least half of those old LPs. Nostalgia born of loss of neural plasticity, I suppose.

  10. Ginny says:

    Welcome back, Doug. Good reading! ;o))

  11. Ranchmom says:

    Thanks for the giggle!

  12. Judy Menzel says:

    Moved away from Redding almost 5 years ago, but check back on anewscafe periodically to see what’s happening. As soon as I saw there was a Reflections article I had to read it. Never disappointed. Keep ’em coming!

  13. Connie Koch says:

    Thank you, thank you, thank you! With the depressing news these days (fires, sexual predators, threats of nuclear war, etc.) filling the local and national news hours, it was refreshing to read something that made me smile and chuckle some! Please come back often and share your enlightened thoughts and musings with us!

    • Doug Mudford says:

      Thanks for the nice response Connie,

      I’ll keep trying until I can’t make you (and other wonderful readers) smile…just a little.

  14. Joanne Lobeski Snyder says:

    I was so happy to see Reflections in a Mirror (While Shaving) when I opened anewscafe today! I love your reflections….. have to re-read them over a couple of days.

  15. Richard Christoph says:

    Reading your Refections in our VRBO’s outdoor hot tub after a perfect day in the eastern Sierra. Lots of knowing nods and multiple chuckles. Many thanks for your literary nightcap.

  16. Your column is such a delight, Doug! I love the writing style and the snippets of wisdom!

  17. Doug, I hope you’re feeling the fallout of love. You’re the beloved prodigal columnist, and absence definitely made our hearts grow fonder.

  18. Eleanor says:

    Hi Doug – See how everyone loves and misses you?? ‘Missed you’ I mean! Thanks for being a good sport about the friendly reminder that we all benefit from your column. It seems like so many people ‘recognize’ themselves in your ‘Reflection’.
    Gosh, I’m running wild with the quotation marks here……..better leave some for other people.

  19. Jorgi says:

    So good to see you again in Reflections. Please don’t stay away so long. You inspire a lot of smiles and outright chuckles.

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