Reflections in a Mirror (While Shaving): Part 36

•Am I the only person in the world who can’t take a selfie? Distorted nose and one buggy eye, no subject matter…I look like a very ugly fish in every one.

•I think I’ve figured out I can’t get help with a selfie.

•Tried a new turbo self hair cutter…have this sorta rocky raccoon thing going.

•Stylist, you have two hairs… how do you want them styled?

Straight up, water back, please.

•Who decided men can’t cross their legs like women. Why do I feel guilty when I do it? Damn, it feels good.

•I planted my eco-friendly grown flower with its biodegradable pot with a plastic wrapper ( telling me how cool the pot and plant were ) I couldn’t get off. 1000 years from now, the plastic wrapper will tell someone I tried.

•Soup…a lotta rules, don’t leave the spoon in, don’t blow on it, don’t scoop towards you, eat first not last, don’t slurp…just gimme a salad.

•I Love You For Being Bad at Being Mean… original country song title #276… Erin, if I stole this from you, well Get Over It Cuz I’m Goin’ To Do It Again.

•Who knew turkeys could jump? A herd of babies were jumping straight up to snag bunches of merlot grapes… I waited five years for those vines to produce…at least the turkeys are well fed and maybe a little tipsy.

•If my body language is supposed to be a clue to my inner thoughts, I’m pretty well screwed because the Inner Thought is screaming I don’t know what he’s doing either!

•The guy in the mirror (irritating this morning) is suggesting I embrace the older, gentler me…ah no…

•The last 12 months have been interesting… I’ve lost a kidney, a functional hip, assorted lumps and bumps and more hearing…I wish I could say it was for a good cause but it was just cause…ok maybe “interesting” needs modifying.

•The guy in the mirror tells me I’m not as fun as I used to be… well just how fun was that Mr. Introspective… maybe I can change…oh wait, I’ve already changed, right?

•When living in L.A., I was standing around a movie set and asked to be part of a crowd walking through a door to a business… my legs and arms immediately forgot they were attached to the same torso. The director was so incensed at my interpretive walk, he cut the scene…I was so close…I coulda been a contenda.

•If less is more…can I have really a lot less?

•Some people should have a “forever” brand … within the first ten minutes, we know we will be friends forever… I don’t know why it happens… it’s wonderful when it does. The brand may be an issue, but if they really want to be a friend…

•The brand is in case I forget who my friends are.

•Confusion is peeking over the right shoulder of Mirror Man…left shoulder?… electric, blade, grubby?

•Some mornings the very hardest decision is the first one…not the largest, just the first.

Doug Mudford is a lawyer and partner at Barr & Mudford, with an emphasis on serious personal injury. He may be reached at Barr & Mudford, 1824 Court St., Redding, (530) 243-8008.

Doug Mudford
is a lawyer and partner at Barr & Mudford, with an emphasis on serious personal injury. He may be reached at Barr & Mudford, 1824 Court St., Redding, (530) 243-8008, or doug@ca-lawyer.com.
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13 Responses

  1. Eleanor says:

    Way to start the day : Found glasses where I left them, check. Coffee’s already made by husband, check. Column by Doug, check. Bring it on, day!! (wish you would modify ‘interesting’.

  2. Eleanor says:

    Wish I would close the parentheses), check. Now bring it on!

  3. I’m pretty sure “I Love You For Being Bad at Being Mean” was the one-and-only hit for The Jumping Turkeys back in the 70s. 🙂

    • Doug Mudford says:

      Erin

      Are you pulling my leg?…ah drumstick? Sorry…Sorry…My brain is still trying to pull it together this morning.

  4. cheyenne says:

    I have an antique stall in a mall. I take pictures of items that I sell and put them on Craigslist. Everytime I take a picture of a mirror I’m selling I realize, after posting the picture on Craigslist, I just took a selfie.

  5. Ginny says:

    Good morning reading the newest you have put out! ;o)

    Remember there are no Golden Years, only that old Rust Bucket from another time!

  6. Doug Mudford says:

    Good Morning Ginny

    I hope you get a smile or two from today’s column. Is a rusted bucket better than no bucket?

    Doug

  7. AJacoby says:

    I say it’s a very good start to whatever the day holds when I not only laugh outloud three and a half times while reading the column but another two laughs an a chortle or two while reading the comments. With that many bursts of glee, I say bring on the WEEK!!!

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