•My flu bug is bigger than your flu bug. My scar is bigger than your scar … size matters… apparently.
•Don’t you hate those who can express perfectly a thought sitting just inside your brain door but afraid to come out?
•Half way to work, I pass through the oh-zone…oh _ _ _ _ ! this, oh _ _ _ _ ! that….Solitary carfinement…
•Trying a new shaver … $19.95 for seven “perfectly layered” blades that will cut though tin cans forever. I’m saving my tin cans.
•I can hear you…I just don’t care to respond.
•I don’t have mood swings…I have mood apexes and nadirs…I think that’s the greatest distance between high and low but I want to make a point so I’m not going to look it up…ok I forgot the point so I may as well look it up.
•I like the new Special K pastry crisps, only 100 calories…I find about six make a darn fine snack.
•Before you can do it, you gotta figure out what you gonna do… most of us just react… don’t need no stinking figuring.
•Meet in the center please… Mr. Never Satisfied, shake hands with Mr. Content…at the sound of the bell…
•It’s a little disconcerting telling others not to make the same mistakes we did while we keeping making the same mistakes…what is it about returning to something we already know will not end well?
And others have to keep wondering what’s so enticing that we keep going back.
•Stumble… run…trot… stumble…
•ADD can’t be fun for anyone… my mom paddled my butt and told me I wasn’t paying attention. She just didn’t understand me, or apparently, the law.
•I don’t remember much about my dreams…except that I keep revisiting a particular place. I’ve never been there in my conscious life. If any of you know (for sure) what this means, don’t tell me… I want it to be a surprise.
•I’m a drive-by eater by nature… by the time I stop to savor, the savorin’ part has already hightailed it.
Doug Mudford is a lawyer and partner at Barr & Mudford, with an emphasis on serious personal injury. He may be reached at Barr & Mudford, 1824 Court St., Redding, 530.243.8008. Send questions for “That Lawyer Guy” to email@example.com.
Doug Mudford’s photo illustration by Michael Burke of Redding. Click here to see more Michael Burke photos.