Reflections In The Mirror (While Shaving) No. 32

  

•My flu bug is bigger than your flu bug. My scar is bigger than your scar … size matters… apparently.

•Don’t you hate those who can express perfectly a thought sitting just inside your brain door but afraid to come out?

Brain door?

•Half way to work, I pass through the oh-zone…oh _ _ _ _ ! this, oh _ _ _ _ ! that….Solitary carfinement…

•Trying a new shaver … $19.95 for seven “perfectly layered” blades that will cut though tin cans forever. I’m saving my tin cans.

•I can hear you…I just don’t care to respond.

•I don’t have mood swings…I have mood apexes and nadirs…I think that’s the greatest distance between high and low but I want to make a point so I’m not going to look it up…ok I forgot the point so I may as well look it up.

•I like the new Special K pastry crisps, only 100 calories…I find about six make a darn fine snack.

•Before you can do it, you gotta figure out what you gonna do… most of us just react… don’t need no stinking figuring.

•Meet in the center please… Mr. Never Satisfied, shake hands with Mr. Content…at the sound of the bell…

•It’s a little disconcerting telling others not to make the same mistakes we did while we keeping making the same mistakes…what is it about returning to something we already know will not end well?

And others have to keep wondering what’s so enticing that we keep going back.

•Stumble… run…trot… stumble…

•ADD can’t be fun for anyone… my mom paddled my butt and told me I wasn’t paying attention. She just didn’t understand me, or apparently, the law.

•I don’t remember much about my dreams…except that I keep revisiting a particular place. I’ve never been there in my conscious life. If any of you know (for sure) what this means, don’t tell me… I want it to be a surprise.

•I’m a drive-by eater by nature… by the time I stop to savor, the savorin’ part has already hightailed it.

Doug Mudford is a lawyer and partner at Barr & Mudford, with an emphasis on serious personal injury. He may be reached at Barr & Mudford, 1824 Court St., Redding, 530.243.8008. Send questions for “That Lawyer Guy” to doug@ca-lawyer.com.

Doug Mudford's photo illustration by Michael Burke of Redding. Click here to see more Michael Burke photos.

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18 Responses »

  1. I seldom can remember my dreams either. I wonder what that means? And while asleep, do you ever have the dream or feeling you are falling off the side of the bed and your entire body jerks to keep on the bed when in actuality you are already IN the center of the bed? Ahhhh....understanding sleep is so much fun!

  2. LovestoEat

    I don't think I've had falling dreams, but since I usually can't remember, I'm not a good one to ask. The "place" dream seems to happen about once a month and sometimes I can hold on to little snippets after waking.

    Doug

  3. Love this collection of free-form prose haiku. Always a fun read.

  4. Glad to know I'm in good company with fragmented, random thoughts while driving. I'm sure that if I stopped and wrote them down, I'd have a wonderful book . . . . but then, Id never get anywhere.

    Also, you gotta love Robb's description of free-form prose haiku. Now, there's a California omelet description . . . and totally apt!

    • Hi Adrienne

      I hate losing the "on my way to work" thoughts because I don't record them... The missed thoughts become subjects of the next day oh-zone.

      Doug

  5. It's always fun to read what tumbles out of your head and into your column! Fun stuff!

  6. Thanks Robb

    I had to look up "haiku".

    Doug

  7. You get the biggest flu bug prize ... YOURS was so big it cancelled MY trip to Puerto Vallarta ;-( ... I keep revisiting a house in my dreams - like yours, one I've never visited in life and which does not exist; however, I am so familiar with it I could draw a floor plan without hesitation. I even know the location: A little West of Turtle Bay, approximately where the rodeo grounds are located. Strange ... let me know if someone tells you what it means.

  8. Canda

    "tumbles" is the best description I've read describing my thought process...oh geez.

    Doug

  9. A recurring dream I experienced about a cemetery with hug tomb stones, statuary, and crypts disappeared when I tracked down my grandfather's grave in East L.A. I KNEW I had been there before when I turned in the drive; probably with my aunt or grandmother when I was a very young child. I trust "a tree lined dirt road" has a better memory at the end of it.

  10. I have what I call "shopping mall" dreams...where I'm wandering through hallways with doors, and behind every door is something different. Not really a traditional shopping mall, but for some reason I started calling it that in my dream. Many times, behind the door is a really weird dream bathroom and then I know I have to wake myself up and, well, you know...

  11. OK, Doug, Nothing since March?? Really??

    (I tried to italicize and bold that part, for emphasis and it came out along these lines:

    em.........str ong.... Really?? ...str ong.........em. (I can't do the weird symbols it added.)

    Honest it did.

    OK, we need to hear from you! You must be thinking something that we should know.

    Really!

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