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Is It Fun Being You?
After months of rollercoaster emotions and pell-mell activity that included a highly charged presidential election, joining this upstart start-up’s first (and very successful) year, researching and reporting a difficult series of news stories, my charming mother-in-law’s breast cancer recovery (hi, Bobbie), my friend’s intense City Council campaign (high fives, Missy), the sudden death of our beloved family dog of 10 years, my own physical therapy for a mystery back ailment, and last but not least, Doni’s and my marathon Tuesday of working Precinct 770, I did something Wednesday night I rarely do: collapsed and watched television for three solid hours.
Like my friend Jim Dyar, I don’t need an excuse to watch TV, even though it probably sounds like I just set up an elaborate justification for it. No, I love TV and I don’t care who knows it. But I don’t indulge too much or – also like Jim – I’d be glued to it until somebody dope-slapped me off the couch.
(Sidebar: I don’t get reality TV, though. It doesn’t appeal. I’ve never seen “Lost,” “American Idol,” “Survivor,” “Fear Factor,” or “Runway.” And I despise the talking heads of the 24-hour pretend-news cable stations. Along with the clowns of hate radio, they are nattering nabobs, a cancerous, corrosive poison pouring into your living room. They’re a scourge on the earth. They’re infectious diseases. They’re ebola and e. coli. They’ll give you pimples and wrinkles and a limp dick. They are a hideous virus accessing your brain through your ears. Switch them off. Run away!)
No, the TV shows I love are character-driven. The plots hardly matter. I just want to watch characters I know and love do stuff.
Over the decades, I’ve been devoted to “M*A*S*H,” ”Dallas,” “Thirtysomething,” “ER,” “L.A. Law,” “Ally McBeal,” “Days and Nights of Molly Dodd,” “SportsNight,” “The Gilmore Girls,” “The Sopranos,” “Six Feet Under,” “Desperate Housewives,” “Homicide: Life on the Street,” “West Wing,” “Saving Grace,” and “24.”
I’ve missed out on a few popular ones — “Grey’s Anatomy,” “The Wire,” “Mad Men.” I loved them, but I couldn’t commit. Knew I wouldn’t be faithful. My schedule was too erratic, my time not my own. Don’t speak, I said. I can’t bear to have only a tiny bit of you.
Oh, sorry, veered off again there for a second.
So last night, the TV I watched was not the news, election rehash, sports, movies or sitcoms. It was three hours of “Boston Legal” reruns, getting to know the brilliant, inimitable Denny Crane.
OMG, why didn’t somebody tell me? (I think my friend Margaret tried to, but I was in a fog.) I love that guy. He is the best character ever. And his friendship with law partner Alan Shore is so weird and wonderful. Great banter. Gravelly voices. Quirky personalities. Stellar writing. Great understanding of human nature, and of men.
William Shatner is a delight in this stage of his career, making fun of himself in Priceline commercials and Comedy Central roasts and whatnot, and he’s hysterical as the larger-than-life Denny Crane. That Shatner twinkle comes straight through to Crane yet doesn’t interfere with the character. Those eyebrows. That nearly imperceptible lip twitch. Crane is completely full of himself (”Must go on Larry King! The public wants to hear from Denny Crane!”) yet endearingly funny about it. He gets himself. He knows and accepts himself. He’s a hard-nosed, conservative lawyer with self-diagnosed mad cow disease who can be unexpectedly, poignantly perceptive.
Anyway, at the end of one episode, Alan and Denny were having their end-of-day cigars on the balcony, and Denny leaned over, clinked his scotch glass against Alan’s and said with enormous satisfaction, “It’s FUN being me! Is it fun being you?”
Well, slap me nekkid and sell my clothes.
That’s it right there – the point of everything.
Having fun being yourself.
For a stretch of time a few years ago, it wasn’t fun being me. It was a suffocating blur of other people’s agendas and objectives, motives and Machiavellian mechanisms. I longed to be somebody else. Who? Couldn’t tell you at the time. Anybody else, some days. I barely remember most of it.
Not anymore, though. Since I quit the corporate newspaper business and later joined up with Doni and this website’s team come true, it has been complete fun, living in the moment, being authentic, keeping it real. That’s because now I AM being myself.
I flashed back on the huge mix of little moments that have made up the last few months, the hope, effort, achievement, anxiety, worry, pain, grief, relief, exhilaration, pleasure and joy. Even the sad bits, I wouldn’t trade them for anything. In fact, every day of the past 18 months have been more vivid and real than I can describe. It’s because they’re true moments, mine, unmasked, undiluted, unpolluted.
If it isn’t fun being us, it’s because we aren’t being us. We’re faking it.
You can tell who is faking it because they are almost invisible. They’re rarely glimpsed in public. You can hardly see them, they’ve concealed themselves so well. They’re disappearing, even in the mirror.
Genuine people are easy to spot. They’re not like everybody else, they don’t blend in, and they don’t care about that. They’re larger than life. They pop out against the landscape of gray people trying to fit in. They’re real and three-dimensional and memorable. They stand out as originals and attract other originals.
If you find yourself longing to be someone else, take it from somebody who’s been there. I can tell you exactly who it is: You long to be you. Figure out who that is. Go be that person. Do work that matters to you. Being you = fun.
Know thyself, Plato said. That’s essential to Be thyself. And that’s essential to Enjoy thyself.
Watching TV isn’t always a waste of time. Remember that “West Wing” episode, “Let Bartlet Be Bartlet” ? Same principle. Reveal yourself. Be who you want to be. Let other people do the same.
Thank you, crazy Denny Crane, for another truth plucked from fiction, and for my new daily standard: It’s FUN being me. Is it fun being you?
1,318 views
Oops. I’m told “Lost” isn’t a reality show and it’s not “Runway” but “Project Runway.” Okeydokey. Told you I’d never seen them, but I should have looked them up. Thanks.
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What a great inspirational piece, Kelly.
My answer: Yes - It is fun being me. I, too, have spent the past few years learning about who I really am and what thrills me to the core. A huge step for me was to learn to accept and welcome fear — for me, fear keeps things exciting on this wild ride. I don’t always deal with it in a way that makes me proud…..but, heck — I’m a work in progress.
Thanks for the reminder and the laughs. I hope you get to relax and put your feet up and ENJOY.
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Lovely writing, Kelly. Thank you.
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Whoosh - somebody else understands what it means to march to a different beat - and be OK with it.
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I listened to Rush Limbaugh once . . . only once!
And now you tell me that’s what caused it. Damn! They should have a warning on their package, like cigarettes. Then maybe guys would stop listening to that swill. Before it’s too late.
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That (the writing) is why I like you. Yes indeed, I looked forward to your columns because it was the real you. I still recall the first one where you (in my eyes) let it all out with, “…pinch their heads off.” Hilarious.
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Ah Ms.Brewer you just can not resist the hate speach.You and those like you feed the the impressions that you really are the loonie left.
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Thank you Kelley, for expressing what is in your heart.
Before enlightenment, I chopped wood and carried water. After enlightenment, I chopped wood and carried water.
-Zen koan
There is nothing left of you at this moment but to have a good laugh.
-Zen koan
Koans are the folk stories of Zen Buddhism.
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Sorry for mis-spelling your name, Kelly! And thanks again for the thoughtful words.
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Aw Carnie, please don’t mistake MRS. Brewer for me… I feel hurt. She’s not nearly as loony as I am. And I’m not even close to as hateful and miserable and depressed and insecure as you are. And we’re both far better spellers.
Anyway, hate “speach” is more the forum of Rush Limpbaugh and his good ol’ boy buddies. Don’t you know that when those of us in the Loony Left want to cause hurt feelings we just WIN ELECTIONS?
Interesting fact: Carne Asada is Spanish for “roasted meat.” Oddly relevant, considering that you JUST GOT BURNED.
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Amen!
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Kelly, if it’s fun being you, it’s even more fun knowing you. Working with you and our wonderful team is the most fun job I’ve ever had. You’re my hero.
My only regret? That your piece of inspired writing isn’t on the carousel instead of hidden away on your button. Must remedy. xod
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When you write like that I smile all the way through. Really, it gave me chills. As your biggest fan, thank you for sharing, thank you for the honesty and thank you for the inspiration.
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my friend was totally on ‘Lost”. he was the one dressed as a polar bear. then he got voted off. *shaking head*
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Dear Loonie Left,
Perhaps you should read Mrs. Brewer’s piece above again then make your judgements. And I thought liberal women liked the Ms. which by the way is not a mispelling. As one of the few conservatives contributing to this blog I’ll desist since opposing opinions seem unwelcome to liberals.
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Carnie, don’t go away mad. Any two people who can agree that Phil Fountain is a genius ought to be able to find other common ground. I said I despise make-believe TV news and described its bad side effects (exaggerated, sure, but not politically so). In all sincerity, what hate speech?
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The rest of youse — Thanks! You made my day.
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Methinks Carnie doth protest too much. Kelly never said anything about right-wingers. She said “pretend-news cables stations,” which could be of any political bent, and the “clowns of hate radio,” who could be Howard Stern or Air America as easily as Limbaugh. Carnie seems to have missed the whole point of this lovely piece. It’s probably not much fun being Carnie.
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I have not watched TV for 9 months now and am much the better for it. And it’s terrific being me.
Carnie:
Despair not. You are not the only conservative to pass this way. The LL will always disparage that which they are incapable of understanding, and conservative forums like Limbaugh they just can’t get. If your opinions are unwelcome, by all means, keep them coming. Do not be silenced into submission. That is what they want.
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The official bird of the Imaginary People’s Party is the Great North American Loon. It used to be the Porridge Bird but we stopped seeing them. I guess the habit of laying their eggs in the air finally caught up with them.
Benjamin Franklin advocated the Loon as the National Bird but was hooted down by the Owl advocates. Personally, owls creep me out…that whole “exorcist” thing they do with their head is freakin’ scary. I don’t think Loons are nearly as frightening. As a matter of fact, some of my best friends are Loons. Then again, some of my best friends are kind of creepy. Not “owl” creepy, but pretty creepy.
I will say this, in general most Loons aren’t hateful… well, the sea faring Loons are kinda tough…never borrow money from a Loon Shark, they’ve been known to break a kneecap or two. Yours, I mean, Loons don’t have knees, do they? Having no knees makes it tough to walk…unfortunately, I can’t carry a Loon. I can’t even carry a Loon in a bucket. If you have to borrow money from a Loon, use an FDIC protected Savings & Loon…but do it quick, they’re going under. Loons aren’t as buoyant as you might think.
At any rate I’ll miss Carnie…we come into this world naked and aLoon and if we forget our meds, we leave that way too. The comments section will be a far Loonlier place without Ahsada, who whether he realizes it or not, is just as Looney as the next guy.
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So let me get this straight….fakers blend in and genuinites stand out?
To standing out then….and to Authenticity!
Be yourself….because no one else can be you!
Rick
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This one’s been a week-long head-scratcher, Kel.
After a frustrating week of crashed servers (at 9:30 p.m. Tuesday, hmmm, nothing going on then!), tracking systems that didn’t register any of my web site visits from Tuesday until Thursday, random and unsolicited ‘hep’ from editors, 20-hour workdays and so on and so on… My answer was a resounding and weepy “NO!” followed by some all-too-public swearing and such in the office.
After significant napping and recouperation, I chose to recast my perception. It’s pretty darn cool to be who and where I am. Even when the fun is hard to recognize, it’s still fun.
Thanks for the reminder.
Jas.
(Little brother, for the record.)
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Kelly,
Thanks for a great article, and yes it is fun being me.
Tammy
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Kelly,
Very inspiring ! I spent a number of years trying to be who other people expected me to be . I finally came to the conclusion that to be happy I had to be pleased with my self rather than living to please others. I really didn’t change much at all ,just my perception of life did.Every morning I awake with that saying that today is the first day of the rest of my life with my wonderful wife by my side .EVERY THING IS WONDERFUL !
Pete
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Long ago I decided that I couldn’t be anything other than myself so I might as well get on with it. Is it fun? ,sometimes, sometimes not, but is always authentic and I am not wasting half of my life tryin to be somewhere else, somewhere else. It was the main point of my zen training.. I watch all the “nattering nabobs” right and left .(Was Spiro channeling you?) Actually this isn’t true. I can’t watch Glen Beck I always want to reach over and slap him. I sometimes think we would be better off with just the 6 oclock news and Uncle Walter aand decent newpapers. Nice article Rick summer It would make a good dharna talk.
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lee riggs Reply:
September 11th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
I really havae to get computer glasses How Rick got in there is beyond me.
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